The Irony!

The irony;

I sometimes wonder…
If the easy and open way in which I talk about my mental health struggles,
The blunt, curated insight I have into them,
The clarity of my mental list of steps to tackle them…

Does it ever come across as disarming or even
disingenuous,
To people who live outside in the world with all the prejudices it carries?

If I am so open and direct in describing my personal experience and how I feel…

Then wouldn’t it have been obvious sooner and how have I come this far without help or simply recognition?

Ha!

And there is the brutal, yet illustrative irony,
And the source of so much trauma;
The irony is that it fell on deaf ears and worse,

Until now.


OCD is a very serious disorder and I sometimes cannot believe I survived so long without any outlet for it.

πŸŒͺ

6 thoughts on “The Irony!

  1. πŸ™‰πŸ™‰πŸ™‰ Just kidding. You make a lot of deep insights here. Do people think someone is doing well who is able to articulate what’s going on with them? I think it could be the case that people would think that, if they don’t understand what’s at stake in the matter. I never thought of myself as a toxic positivity person but maybe I am. When I see people being aware and taking steps, I think “Way to go.” I want to tell people, you’re doing a good job. Which is weird because I’m usually a very nasty, negative person. So maybe I need to recalibrate my understanding. Even in my own position, I feel like a fraud because on the surface I seem like I’m functioning and it’s all good, so people must think I’m doing okay. But maybe I’m not doing as bad as I think. I’m sorry I’m rambling now because I’m super tired. I’m not sure what I’m trying to articulate here so I’ll say once again your post is very insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Do people think someone is doing well who is able to articulate what’s going on with them?”

      I really think so, because it’s like visible vs invisible conditions. If I’m not having actual panic attacks in front of people and calmly describe it, that just makes OCD even more invisible. And OCD is really pernicious because in a completely different setting, in the light of day in a conversation it can all just melt away… I always feel much better when talking to a doctor, or even in a hospital, because the environment simply feels therapeutic to me, lol. I recover super fast from surgeries because I’m enjoying it πŸ™ˆ. Then of course it’s super easy to gaslight yourself into belittling your own problems, so it must be even easier for others.

      Oh ok I just googled toxic positivity:

      “Some examples of toxic positivity include: telling a parent whose child has died to be happy that at least they can have children. asserting after a catastrophe that β€œeverything happens for a reason” urging someone to focus on the positive aspects of a devastating loss”

      Your example is NOT toxic positivity, lol. I totally do hate toxic positivity, it’s so dangerous and shockingly, shockingly common. But your example just sounds like encouragement and from a place of encouragement. You have never once been dismissive in my opinion.

      Why do you think you’re a nasty, negative person? In my experience that would really contradict your ability to self-reflect and discuss all of this deep stuff. But I am not dismissing you! Just curious. I’m getting the sense that you haven’t received enough external validation and maybe been the victim of toxic positivity yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks so much. I guess I’ve been the recipient of the “toxic positivity”– who hasn’t? I do think some people mean well, others like to one-up you, others don’t care, etc etc. I try and put myself in other people’s shoes and think about how I would feel about a given response. I say I’m negative because I’ve had a tendency in the past to be dismissive or suspicious of people, but I think that after getting some life experience, I’ve learned to really cut people slack and listen to what they have to say. I feel the same sort of way about epilepsy that you say about OCD–when you’re standing there calmly explaining something, it doesn’t seem as “real” to people. So if I tell people I have epilepsy and they’ve never seen me on the floor (because I don’t have that type anyway), they don’t really understand why I hate certain environments or stimuli (my triggers). But I think it’s helped me be better towards people who ask me for help with something at work because I can relate to them if something is bothering them.

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      1. Thanks, Robin. I’d say I face some challenges, I don’t have any recent traumas, thankfully. I just see life as this ongoing journey of learning to process things in a better way. My processing has not always been the best.

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