Since moving into this new, less stressful placeI've been making an extra pushTo fight my worst OCD compulsions Through the haze and confusion and anxietyI have been realising, only in glimpsesMy new situationThe reality of it; Wow it's not easyResisting OCDReaching junctures upon which you could go backwardsOr continue the improvement forwards; Last week,I joined … Continue reading OCD, Uncertainty and Minor Miracles
Category: OCD
We Won Get Over It
Trying to work it outHow, why, whatWhereforeThe fuck have I ended up hereAnd where to go nowWhich way is NorthTrying to work it the fuck out? Laughable; The compass needle is spinningYet the direction is obviousLook to the skyDon't need all those fancy constructed toolsFollow the light; We won,Get over it π. We weren't even … Continue reading We Won Get Over It
An OCD Cycle
No OCD starting from nowβ¦WaitβOne last thing Right, no OCD starting from nowWait, no no,No OCD starting from NOW Damnit there was an annoying soundNow I'm itchingNow OCD starting from nowβ¦ What the fuck? Shut the hell up πππ. Wait no that phrase reminds me of dismissive people from my past and traumatic memoriesβ¦ Argggh … Continue reading An OCD Cycle
Number 456
Prisoners who complete the game,Will progress to the next round,All others will be eliminated, The prizeβ¦eternal fulfilment and completion,No more mind games,All your worries will be soothed; Why so serious?One would think, given the high stakes involved,That I'd volunteered myself for squid games,And that's exactly what I've done, Oh, fuck. Slap me again. πͺ
OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities
OCD without support is the hardest thing in the world,Not that OCD with support is necessarily easy (I imagine), But OCD without support is like having your legs blown off,And not being given prosthetics or physiotherapy; It's the most difficult thing I've ever experienced,Especially because my current circumstances encourage relapses and loss of hard-won progress. … Continue reading OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities
OCD, Yes!
Butβ¦why couldn't I do this thing much earlier, if I can do it now?OCD, Butβ¦why did I spend all that time doing that mindless thing when I don't want to do it now?OCD; It was soothing when it was the only thing you could do, Would I really have been staring at a wall instead … Continue reading OCD, Yes!
Just In Case OCD
Hmmm, Just In Case OCD,Seems like it should be a type, Similar to Just Right OCD,But to me it's even more destructive,Because at least Just Right refers to something relatively tangible, in my caseβ Symmetry of blinking between left eye and right,Aligning some object perfectly in relation to another,Maintaining my own body's yaw angle with … Continue reading Just In Case OCD
Neighbour From Hell
Like the supermarket trolleys lining the ditches of slip roads into concrete junglesOr Audis and BMWs scattered down mountainsides of the Scottish HighlandsKarma for the presumptuousness of personal satisfactionAnd over-confidence in oneself All roads lead to pain and ruinAnd a flat tyre along the wayEven if you're driving a ten-year-old SkodaLiving a perfect, modest moral … Continue reading Neighbour From Hell
Undeaded
I love the way my hair frames my vision, when I wake up,Draping down like willow leaves,My own private nursery of restoration and rejuvenation, Or looking across a lake at sunset,With tree branches framing the view, Or just the satisfying feeling ofbeing fully in character, remembering past resiliences,A monster rising from its tomb,Embodying the undead … Continue reading Undeaded
Hell In OCD
I've had a particular OCD compulsion which has been consuming me all year,Taking up several hours or more of each day,It's so incredibly intrusive and pernicious,To do with readiness, not being agitated by a physical discomfort, I repeat the compulsion which solves an imaginary problem, The point is that more than any other compulsion it's … Continue reading Hell In OCD