Proper Nouns Which Linger

I repeat their namesIn my head, spontaneouslyBecause it's triggeringAnd self-torturing If I do itI'll feel the need to repeat the last compulsionOut of feeling too abashed and indignantAnd so the cycle goes All it takes is a silent word to myselfTo set me backwards; What baleful, mortifying names torment me still?I am talking Proper NounsNames … Continue reading Proper Nouns Which Linger

With Light To See By

It hijacks the mindWhat does it want? All the wrongs of the past to be rightProbably The present is held to ransomNo, you can't have that!Don't dare get enthused, either Of course there isn't a simple solutionOr answerI know thatThat's not what this is; So yeahIt hijacks the mindA mental state connected through traumaReliving once-present … Continue reading With Light To See By

OCD, Uncertainty and Minor Miracles

Since moving into this new, less stressful placeI've been making an extra pushTo fight my worst OCD compulsions Through the haze and confusion and anxietyI have been realising, only in glimpsesMy new situationThe reality of it; Wow it's not easyResisting OCDReaching junctures upon which you could go backwardsOr continue the improvement forwards; Last week,I joined … Continue reading OCD, Uncertainty and Minor Miracles

We Won Get Over It

Trying to work it outHow, why, whatWhereforeThe fuck have I ended up hereAnd where to go nowWhich way is NorthTrying to work it the fuck out? Laughable; The compass needle is spinningYet the direction is obviousLook to the skyDon't need all those fancy constructed toolsFollow the light; We won,Get over it πŸ˜‚. We weren't even … Continue reading We Won Get Over It

An OCD Cycle

No OCD starting from now…Waitβ€”One last thing Right, no OCD starting from nowWait, no no,No OCD starting from NOW Damnit there was an annoying soundNow I'm itchingNow OCD starting from now… What the fuck? Shut the hell up πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Wait no that phrase reminds me of dismissive people from my past and traumatic memories… Argggh … Continue reading An OCD Cycle

OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities

OCD without support is the hardest thing in the world,Not that OCD with support is necessarily easy (I imagine), But OCD without support is like having your legs blown off,And not being given prosthetics or physiotherapy; It's the most difficult thing I've ever experienced,Especially because my current circumstances encourage relapses and loss of hard-won progress. … Continue reading OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities

Just In Case OCD

Hmmm, Just In Case OCD,Seems like it should be a type, Similar to Just Right OCD,But to me it's even more destructive,Because at least Just Right refers to something relatively tangible, in my caseβ€” Symmetry of blinking between left eye and right,Aligning some object perfectly in relation to another,Maintaining my own body's yaw angle with … Continue reading Just In Case OCD