Croûton Is Still Cute

I'm making a push to connect with people again, I've been stuck for quite a while. I was very successfully connecting with people in 2019-2020, but 2021-2022 really wore me down. Self-sabotage and anxiety keep getting in the way of attending in-person meet-up groups, but I was overlooking the lower barrier to entry of blogging, … Continue reading Croûton Is Still Cute →

Sensory Cataclysm

A universe rendedSpherical shockwave of disturbance roaring outwardSide-effects propagating at the speed of sound and lightSecondary rips in the fabric of eveningAt gradually reducing amplitudesYet no less cataclysmic as the motorbike rounds distant corners and the prick riding it recedes into the far distanceAnd only thenCan it no longer be heardBut the anticipation, frustration and … Continue reading Sensory Cataclysm →

Crouton/Etta Adoption Day

I'm adopting little Etta on Sunday at 12pm 😄😄😄, at which point she will become known as Crouton. I've had this name lined up since December and in fact the name was so compelling to my friend that it became a prime justification for getting a hamster in the first place 😂. 🌪

Hamster Enclosure Complete!

I've finally put it all together! And made a custom platform/ladder combination with wood from the unused shelves which came with the enclosure. It's all fitted together really satisfyingly. The metal thing dangling from the lid is for putting fresh vegetable chunks on, it's a fun way for them to get it :). I'm just … Continue reading Hamster Enclosure Complete! →

Hamster Enclosure Painting

I've finally finished preparing my hamster enclosure (painting and varnishing it with pet-safe paints). It's really dragged out painfully over many days (12) due to a combination of having to manage OCD alongside— practising ERP to avoid feeding it— and some trial and error and learning about painting wooden furniture. There were also some modifications … Continue reading Hamster Enclosure Painting →

Hamster Preparations

I've made so much progress in sorting through my possessions and either selling them on eBay, giving them away through Freecycle or throwing them away if they weren't useable. All of this clutter has a tangible affect on my thinking, which I've always known but the pull of OCD was stronger. Overcoming OCD to be … Continue reading Hamster Preparations →

‘Hidden’ Genocides

It shouldn't take direct experienceTo understand the impactAnd realityOf underfunded services It shouldn't take direct experienceTo understand the horrorOf people waiting 12 hours in the dark and coldFor an ambulance It shouldn't take direct experienceTo understand the consequencesOf a dystopian welfare systemAnd under-supporting the disabled; Unfortunately it does, on the large scale;It's one of the … Continue reading ‘Hidden’ Genocides →

Voluntary Medical Procedures

After recently reading a blog post about giving blood, I decided to face my blood-related queasiness and give it a try. "Don't think about it, just do it!"— that was all I needed to hear lol. It's a personal affront to be seen to be 'dithering' or 'faffing'. Usually blood tests make me feel weird … Continue reading Voluntary Medical Procedures →

Whomsoever Whensoever

OCD ritualsWith implied stateAre the worstThat's what's gripped me the last year and a half It stopped being funThere was no relief in writing about anythingBecause the state would remain 'imperfect'Regardless of what I did in-between And now I feel self-conscious againPeople reading what I writeCertain people whom I'd rather they not readAnd I don't … Continue reading Whomsoever Whensoever →

They Have Decided

I have finally 'won' and had a benefits decision go in my favour. The very language of 'winning' and 'losing' comes naturally throughout these processes yet is very telling and is very fucked. Of course, they weaselled out of the back-payment when I didn't even know that that was 'optional'. Thus the state suffers absolutely … Continue reading They Have Decided →