A Loose Screw

They say that free energy is impossible,
THat perpetual motion machines cannot exist,
That time-travel, although theorthetically-maybe-possible, backwards into the past,
Would be practically impossible because of the need for a stable space-time wormhole,

WELL,

Never underestimate the ability of a loose screw,
To undergo instantaneous translations across the fabric of two-dimensional space,
To gain arbitrary amounts of momentum from nowhere,
To travel forwards, backwards,
Doubling-back on themselves as they please,
Quantum-tunneling across materials of any thickness through ill-defined Hamiltonian potentials,
Defying the holy-grailed Uncertainy Principle,
To ultimately attain entirely improbable combinations of momentum and location-uncertainty;

The heretofore-unexplained dark matter composition of the universe?
Unseen mass-distributions of galactic clusters?
Over-powered gravitational lensing effects by exotic particles unknown?

No, fuck that,
It’s really no mystery,
For within experimental limits of uncertainty,
All of the hidden mass of the universe can be explained, simply—
As the accumulated loose screws of busybody house-men of antiquity.

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What be dark energy, then?

It’s the accumulated anger of the busybody house-men of antiquity,
Looking for their loose fucking screws.

🌪