What Actually Happened Was

Poem, Trauma 1 Minute

What actually happened, was,
I was fixing the bath (the side-panel had come off),
And then I did some cleaning;

But my housemate had heard,
The noise in the bathroom,
Come down to investigate,
And thought I was going crazy (cleaning at 5am),

I told her I was cleaning,
Because the mess was getting to me,
She still looked at me like I was crazy,
So then I really got angry;

If they ever did some cleaning,
I wouldn’t need to be doing this,
But I walked away instantly,
To be angry by myself;

I kicked a bin across the kitchen,
Everything imploding,
Then her boyfriend was there,
Exploding and screaming,
Screaming and screaming,
Trying not to hit me;

He finally left,
And I went in my car,
Drove to the Tesco,
And phoned the police;

They weren’t going to do anything,
They said wait till he hits me,
Fuck that, I thought,
I can’t live there like this;

But then,
My wordpress friends (and normal friends),
Messaged me and called me,
From all across the worldโ€”
Hong Kong, Australia,
South Africa, America,

Those conversations really helped,
And the council person finally understood,
(After a false start, I’d said I was going to kill myself…)

She knew I was at Tesco,
So she phoned the police,
Whom went to all of the Tescos,
Just looking for me ๐Ÿ˜ถ;

And once I’d spoken to them,
And the council again,
I finally relented,
And agreed to go home;

My housemate there,
The one I was more friendly with,
She was actually crying,
So happy to see me,

And now I am writing,
And it might be ok,
Who knows,
Let’s wait and see.

My blog is aptly-named.

๐ŸŒช

Published by ๐‘น๐’๐‘ฉ๐‘ฐ๐‘ต ๐Ÿช

I write poems which are mental health-themed, creative or humourous :). Within mental health I write a lot about: ADHD, OCD, anxiety, autism, emotional traumaโ€” usually with an optimistic slant. My goals for my blog are to give myself a therapeutic, creative outlet whilst also being able to connect with and relate to other people.

Published

28 thoughts on “What Actually Happened Was”

  1. Oh, Robin, I so glad to know so many people care about you! ๐Ÿ™‚
    You have been through such an ordeal.
    Maybe all will be okay, after all.
    (that is my wish and prayer.)

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. It really was crazy and absurd!! ๐Ÿ˜† and all around me were standing people in one of those big supermarket lines you get now, all with trolleys and 2m apart, staring onwards as I talked to police.

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      1. The Will to Do ~
        “It can’t be done! It can’t be done!”
        Thus rang the song from sun to sun
        But he was one to do, or die
        Who changed their song to foolish lie
        He worked and did the can’t -be-done
        He had the will to do -and won!
        (that little poem I just wrote for you, Robin.)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When you feel youโ€™re getting mad and about to go over the edge count backward from 5. You have five seconds. Start counting backward to yourself from five to one, then move,” says Robbins. … “To change, you have to take action.” Counting backward from five will awaken the prefrontal cortex and allow you to move forward: “Five seconds at a time, your life will change.”

    Does this work? How should I know! I lose it before the count. LOL

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    1. Hahahaha! I’m so glad you said that at the end! Because that was exactly my thought after the first sentence. Yup, no way I’m thinking of counting then!

      Liked by 1 person

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    2. That’s precisely the problem, it’s an involuntary reflex at that level of stress and indignation!

      Liked by 2 people

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      2. Good thing we don’t have guns here! Are Americans actually panic-buying guns? ๐Ÿ˜…

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Definitely ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you. Glad to be back, after contemplating car life again!

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      2. Well…I was thinking I’d have writing this time. But yeah, it’s really not feasible, as I’d have to leave loads of my stuff including my piano at my aunt’s house. And it would of course mean I couldn’t play it!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you PoojaG ๐Ÿ™‚. I have an unending propensity to end up in dramatic situations. My blog would be nothing without that though.

      Liked by 1 person

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      2. Thank you ๐Ÿ’™. Yes, that’s amazing to be able to do that! The biggest thing I’ve gained from blogging ๐Ÿ™‚.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You should know how to ignore the words and your emotions and give a laugh at it, not everyone can do, but many does. Look around, you have people to care for you. Sometime the brain needs to be pampered with some wise words on how to carry and live with all crazy peacefully โœจ

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    1. Thanks, it’s definitely something that we all vary with by nature, and through practise. I am always practising non-reactivity, actually, since I first discovered meditation which helped me.

      And that helps, but nothing helps anywhere near as much as physical exercise and being in big wide open, natural spaces. Which I’m very limited with now, so at the same time, I have to be easy on myself when I can’t live up to those (and my own) ideals.

      Singing and music was another huge, amazing thing which I discovered really helped all negative feelings. But it’s only possible to practise those freely in the space of your own home. The feeling of harmonising your feelings, thoughts, voice and a musical instrument was so peace-inducing.

      So yes, it’s very much a combination of conscious practise, and getting the environment closer to what I need, given my limitations.

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      1. Thanks for the reply, I would suggest you to watch everyone from above, just imagine and watch each of the human being react, all for “Nothing” above all, we are simply nothing but a star dust. We are here to live happily, the bigbang is still happening, no one knows the next moment. Just “Live”๐Ÿ˜‰ Life is so easy when you start looking at ourself as a third party.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for your perspective!

        I can actually really relate to having such a big-picture perspective! It’s rare that you come across thatโ€” people who are consciously aware of our existence on a planet, in a solar sytem, in a galaxy…etc, and viewing human problems within that perspective. Some of the problems dissolve into non-problems :). It’s a really powerful perspective to have. ๐Ÿ‘. Thanks.

        We are indeed all star dust!!
        https://tornadoofchaos.wordpress.com/2019/12/11/all-made-of-star-dust/

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