Hostage To Injury

At the jobcentre the lift wasn’t working, and my appointments are always on the first floor. So I went back to the desk, who asked me to follow a woman with a pushchair who was being shown towards the staff lift. The ‘heavy’ who came to operate the lift looked at me skeptically (of course) but didn’t say anything.

After my appointment I asked to be taken down in the lift again. This time the guy outright asked: “Are you able to use the stairs?” with an expectant expression. Can you even imagine someone going through this hassle if they could use the stairs? I said ‘no’, and as he walked towards me he stopped and looked me up and down carefully. For a moment I really thought I was going to be held hostage in the jobcentre.

Whilst waiting for the lift, whilst in no way feeling like I needed to give an explanation I was curious what his response would be and told him offhand “I have bad knees. I have knee injuries”. Which of course, is a massive simplification and an understatement compared to the medical reality.

Guy just said “Course you have”.

It really is ridiculous the situations you can get into, or potentially get into, whilst having invisible disabilities or health issues. The sense of expectation into how you are ‘supposed’ to act is completely palpable. The tension is painful. You have to suspend disbelief.

Yet I am someone who has never shied away from defiance. My principles and morals and self-respect far outstrip any worries about imaginary rules. I will never do any of the following:

  • Apologise for disabilities
  • Bow down in shame
  • Limp just for appearances
  • Injure myself to make others happy

As it happens I was feeling pain today; but even when in the moment I might feel fine, standing stationary on flat ground, when it can be all too easy to feel conspicuous with an otherwise-healthy and proud appearance, standing tall and walking straight, I will never apologise or act differently. If anything, I will go home and work out even more :). I will lean into it.

You will only ever hear the facts straight and neutrally from me. If other people want to draw silent inferences that’s up to them. Any ensuing judgement and rage is none of my business and I’ll deal with whatever aftermath and further obstacles that creates.

Every now and then, someone really, really hates me for that.


14 thoughts on “Hostage To Injury

      1. Oh cool, you love that album too! It really is epic, so emosh in a good way. I’m so glad that we have a shared musical interest! I can’t believe it, this has really made my day. I used to a wear a Green Day hoodie in my skater days. You should get yourself down to one of their concerts, let me know and I’ll come with! Awesome, so glad you have such a good musical taste. I always believed in you 🀘🎸


      2. Wait what I was joking!! Holy cow.

        Haha so many people hate the latest one, but it’s great to change things up! It’s also perfect for getting out of ocd.

        I just decided yesterday to listen to Dookie again :). American Idiot is mine for a bunch of positive associations! Plus its consistent thematic style.


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