How do you sleep at night?Taking so much from me, F***ing OCD,Trauma-coping mechanisms; These past two years,All of those experiences— Trying to play instruments,Trying to read a book,Meeting up with a friend,The daytime drives, the night drives,Everything which might bring me joy,Triggers in me, instead, anxiety and fear,Retreat into distracting and numbing mental routines,—Putting the … Continue reading How Do You Sleep At Night? Huh?
Well there it is,I've lost my chance to go outside,So now I can relax for the first time in a whole day 😆; I've lost my chance to go outside,Through anxiety of wanting to get outside,As soon as possible; I don't understand this psychology,But I know it's a symptom of trauma,And I was becoming dangerously … Continue reading Re-Focused
I'm sabotaging myself again,By doing this tensing thing, Turning something I enjoy,And find relaxing,(Being busy),Into something very stressful,And headache-creating; My personality is changing,My identity is going,—I've turned from being me,Focused and determined,Into a withering mess; OCD is strongly tied up with identity,For me,And those things which strengthen my identity,Proportionately reduce OCD, And OCD itself,Whittles down … Continue reading Self-Sabotaging Again!
Damn...I've got to stop doing this thing,This abdominal muscular tensing; I actually got out of the habit,Over the last few days,—Which really helped me to feel better,And it's been easy to keep at bay; —For once it's become ingrained,The urge to do it,Really is involuntary, But once I've 'snapped out' of it,It's really easy to … Continue reading My Self-Sabotaged Existence