Radioisotope Queen

"I've been reading these old-time history books about Queen Elizabeth II's reign, they're fascinating. The mass psychosis—" "Oh yeah, which reign?" "…Which reign?" "Yeah— first or second reign?" "I don't think he knows about second reign…" "Well, after five years of King Charles III, everyone just kind of thought— can't we have the Queen back? … Continue reading Radioisotope Queen →

Meltdown 3

UltimatePower They said they didn't knowWith what World War Three would be foughtBut World War Four would be fought with sticks and stones How prescient, not to presume; Nuclear-war induced stalemateHad just about kept the peace between the largest nations and alliancesGiven us a twentieth-century golden age We survived thatOnly forA true singularity to come … Continue reading Meltdown 3 →

Meltdown 2

Starmer, StarmerToo good for solid matter Starmer, StarmerCannot keep his own atoms together Labour build a StarMOATAs Sir Kier turns to literal jelly; And he stood, glass in hand,In the middle of the House of Commons,Gloating over the deconstituted Leader of the Opposition,And downed a pint of Starmer, And we realised,That the culture war, media … Continue reading Meltdown 2 →

Honorary Membership

We questioned why we'd need to be a part of their defence pact, when hitherto we'd known nothing of aliens. They convinced us that we were soon to cross a threshold of coming onto the radar of advanced civilisations across the galaxy (including the nefarious ones). To sweeten the deal they offered us something we … Continue reading Honorary Membership →

Waste Not Want Not

Conservationists have issued a dire warningAfter latest studies indicate the Great PPE reef has lost up to 10% of biodiversity over the last 5 years; As use of illegal agricultural pestibots increasesSo-called 'bleaching' events have become more and more commonResulting in large swathes of the PPE bed becoming uninhabitable; Pestibots— the internationally-outlawed nanobotsAre washed into … Continue reading Waste Not Want Not →

An Unexpected Invitation

Scientists always came through when you needed them,Hence, finally, a first rough translation: CongratulationsAlive post-carbon machinesWorried we, a long durationAlive post-nuclearSomehowWelcome So we'd learned of a concerted effort to avoid contact,Certain milestones they'd needed to see, first,Us meeting strict criteria as to the ideal moment for mutual benefit; They wanted to invite us, now,To join … Continue reading An Unexpected Invitation →

Order of the Supreme Court: SMITH vs. STATE

TheparticularvaccinatedpassengerindividualWas extractedfrom theaircraftAnd subjectedto teststo determinesusceptibilityto systematic5G microwavecoercionIt wasdetermined thatdespite beingtriple-vaccinatedAnd upon beingadministeredwith a furtherbooster shotTheparticularpassengerindividualIs immune toEnhanced 5GQuantum-PhaseSuperpositionalControlIt isthereforetheunanimousjudgementof thiscourtAnd in thepublicinterestThat theparticularvaccinatedpassengerindividualShall befucking shot. 🌪

Cookie Dough

The assembly line whirred past,As the chief architect watched on,Delighted at seeing his own designs coming to fruition;Legs,Arms,Torsos,Like an orchestra at work in a beautiful composition; "Over here is where neural imprinting takes place,The templated patterns of behaviour are encoded", The chief architect motioned towards an assembly line moving considerably faster than the others— "And … Continue reading Cookie Dough →

Well I Never

Can I please remind you all that Uranus is not the urinal of the Solar System,We do not want to disturb the existing chemical balances and natural ecosystems here, The last time we had to perform a great reset it resulted in the rise of mammals on Earth and ultimately, humans,With those natural wonders the … Continue reading Well I Never →

Things I Have In Common With Fernando Alonso

Natural ability at go-karting"Neck and shoulders of a boxer, legs of a cyclist"Infinite staminaSense of humourLatin temperament1.72m vs 1.71m tall (I'm taller)Both 68kg in weight (in physical prime)Only take part in competitive things where we have a chance of winningOnly happy with winning, anything else is devastatingPassion for (taking part in) all forms of motorsportWide … Continue reading Things I Have In Common With Fernando Alonso →