The Next Labour Governmentβ„’

They only went and did itThe Next Labour Governmentβ„’Invested so much money into our countryEnabled world-beating scientific breakthroughsThey've unleashed hell and created causal ambiguityThey've gone back in time and meddled in economicsInstigated the current recessionWhich will lead to our downfall in the next General Election landslide victoryFor themAll for themThey've broken the continuity of the … Continue reading The Next Labour Governmentβ„’

Pillage The Villagers

"What's so funny?" "Oh…I've just read a witness account about how the nation's mentally ill "formed an orderly ten-mile queue through London's streets to see the Queen's coffin lying in state" …as if it were but a physical representation of the state of the NHS waiting list for mental health treatment…a living monument, a window … Continue reading Pillage The Villagers

Radioisotope Queen

"I've been reading these old-time history books about Queen Elizabeth II's reign, they're fascinating. The mass psychosisβ€”" "Oh yeah, which reign?" "…Which reign?" "Yeahβ€” first or second reign?" "I don't think he knows about second reign…" "Well, after five years of King Charles III, everyone just kind of thoughtβ€” can't we have the Queen back? … Continue reading Radioisotope Queen

‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Minister for schoolsDenies eating live babyOn Breakfast TV The government minister for schools has denied eating a live baby live on BBC Breakfast TV. Live, on Breakfast TVAn actual government ministerHas denied eating an actual live babyLiveOn Breakfast TV; We take accusations of this nature very seriouslyThe matter will be thoroughly investigated internally It is … Continue reading ‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Meltdown 2

Starmer, StarmerToo good for solid matter Starmer, StarmerCannot keep his own atoms together Labour build a StarMOATAs Sir Kier turns to literal jelly; And he stood, glass in hand,In the middle of the House of Commons,Gloating over the deconstituted Leader of the Opposition,And downed a pint of Starmer, And we realised,That the culture war, media … Continue reading Meltdown 2

Meltdown

Wait for the reportWait for the police investigationWait for the warWait for the local electionWait for the reportWait for the jubileeWait for the vote of no-confidenceWait for the by-electionWait for the second vote of no-confidenceWait for the general electionWait for the monkeypox outbreakWait for the droughtWait for the floodWait for the famine They needed another … Continue reading Meltdown

Waste Not Want Not

Conservationists have issued a dire warningAfter latest studies indicate the Great PPE reef has lost up to 10% of biodiversity over the last 5 years; As use of illegal agricultural pestibots increasesSo-called 'bleaching' events have become more and more commonResulting in large swathes of the PPE bed becoming uninhabitable; Pestibotsβ€” the internationally-outlawed nanobotsAre washed into … Continue reading Waste Not Want Not