Five Little Scroungers

Five little scroungers bouncing on the breadlineOne fell off the payroll and developed anxietyWent to the jobcentre and the jobcentre saidFuck off Four little scroungers struggling to get up the stairsOne fell down and became disabledWent to the DWP and the DWP saidFuck off Three little scroungers jumping on a sheet of cardboardOne got evicted … Continue reading Five Little Scroungers

The Influencer’s Prayer

Let us give thanksFor our daily stimulationAnd remember our LordWho suffered judgement, persecution and cancellationSacrificing his eternal privacyFor our everlasting sanctity from boredom In the name of our LordWe like, share and subscribe Like, share and subscribe Entertaining Of The 5,000 His followers answered: "Where could we get enough content to entertain such a crowd?" … Continue reading The Influencer’s Prayer

A Fanboi In Tears

I didn't learn, did I?I caved again,Caved to the nagging insistence to update,Having waited additional minor version numbers,Thinking I'd be safe; So downloaded the previous OS version again,Found one of my USB sticks,But when I went to create a bootable installer on that disk,To my surprise,It was already setup as an installer with exactly that … Continue reading A Fanboi In Tears

Technical Service Bulletin: NON-OFFICIAL

Please be aware that in order to ensure compliance with the upcoming 5G switch-on, All carriers are advised to immediately switch over to the alternate frequency band for aircraft radio altimetry. β€œThe presence of 5G C-band interference can result in degraded deceleration performance, increased landing distance and runway excursion” β€œThe presence of radio altimetry C-band … Continue reading Technical Service Bulletin: NON-OFFICIAL

Opportunities For Vaccination

It's the moment you've all been waiting for,The culmination of the global vaccination war, The pathway before us is paved with the dead,Wake up, get moving…to pay off our debts! Put down your guns,Pick up the needles,Relinquish your power,To the governmenthuman-harvestingmachine!! I've never been so full of life before,As my veins are pumped through with … Continue reading Opportunities For Vaccination

The 2012 That Never Happened

2020 is the 2012 that never happened,It's completely fucked up,And I'd like to get off please! Oh my god,It's such a depressing year,Oh my god,Can we just get it over with? It's going so slowly,Are we nearly there yet?I can't wait for 2021,Do you 'member the good times? Oh my god,My glass is almost dry,It's … Continue reading The 2012 That Never Happened

That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

I think we've all come to realise,During these past few months…The true value of face-to-face interaction, πŸ€”πŸ˜ As well as those other things in our lives which are important,And those which aren't, πŸ€”πŸ˜ And as a society we've been forced to confront… and to understand,Just how fragile our sense of normality,Even our mortality,And all of … Continue reading That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

Grain Of Salt

One of these days,I'm going to purposefully go to the supermarket,Without my wallet, Just to take the piss out of the irrational anxiety,(Which is nevertheless warranted from experience),Of forgetting to take something with me; Then when I get there, I'll goβ€”"Oh nooo,I haven't got my wallet!!", "Robin, you daft sod!How are you going to pay … Continue reading Grain Of Salt