Selfish Bastard :)

Yeah…no, it's completely not realistic for me to do this whole two-day trip. I was originally planning it as a single afternoon/evening for a reason, and even that wasn't sensible. It's one thing to feel like doing it in moments when I happen to feel better and more capable, but it's when I need to … Continue reading Selfish Bastard 🙂 →

An OCD Cycle

No OCD starting from now…Wait—One last thing Right, no OCD starting from nowWait, no no,No OCD starting from NOW Damnit there was an annoying soundNow I'm itchingNow OCD starting from now… What the fuck? Shut the hell up 😂😂😂. Wait no that phrase reminds me of dismissive people from my past and traumatic memories… Argggh … Continue reading An OCD Cycle →

On Not Washing

The answer to hygiene OCD is to not wash¹ for three days 😈. ¹ Except for eczema. 🌪

End-Game Possibilities

I will always knowwhen I am readyfor what, I will always know what I need; It doesn't matter that the jobcentre work coach is back in touch,That I will have to defend that corner now, too, Because I know that once I finally get my own place,A chance to breathe,And let out that long-held breath,That's … Continue reading End-Game Possibilities →

Life’s Colours

Turning at last towards the Sun,Volcanoes wept,Mountain chains stood, Terminator swept across frozen oceans,Glaciers retreated,Rivers dared to run once more; Stuck in the darkness,Angular momentum stolen,The long night of a slowly-spinning world must come to an end; Life endured as steppes became plains,Oceans chocka',Birds enjoyed the rains. 🌪

OCD And Environments

Stability of mood,Minimising rapid shifts,They're crucial ingredients,For recovering from OCD, It's crucial to have a calm environment,No sudden, no hidden surprises, This does not mean, an immaculate environment,With every little thing under your control, But emotional stresses, arising from your particular quirks,They need to be taken into account; Some of these adaptations may be within … Continue reading OCD And Environments →

Self-Love Comes To The Fore

Self-love comes to the fore,Now that I'm out of that one hole, at least, I'm out of the deep, dark emotional hole of that place,Where I was emotionally-insulated from the outside world,With its indifferent and stubborn walls; Indifferent, stubborn, insensitive, judging,From that (manipulative) mess I have arisen,It was a slow-motion disaster in the making,But it … Continue reading Self-Love Comes To The Fore →

A Taste Of Sweet Freedom From Mental Prison

I have done it,I read a chapter of the book I wanted to read,A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard,And I enjoyed it and found it... This is going to sound absurd now, given what I just read—I enjoyed and found relaxing, the act of reading,Because I was able to stay centered and non-reactive enough,And for … Continue reading A Taste Of Sweet Freedom From Mental Prison →

God Does Not Play Dice

He plays dice with Rubik's Cubes. I've often used the following trick,To make difficult things seem easier— I tell myself,At least it's not as hard as quantum mechanics,Which has never failed me; However, it now begs the question— Which is easier... Doing quantum mechanics with a more-or-less healthy mind?Recovering from trauma-induced OCD and dissociative habits? … Continue reading God Does Not Play Dice →

Trauma And Doubts

It takes a long time to recover from trauma,Even without additional obstacles, Your path to reach a good point,Cannot be judged; It is a marathon in the making,Which utterly dwarfs that London one, But the high points, later on,Will make it all worth it. Unless you die of physical illness first,That's always the worry;But nevermind! … Continue reading Trauma And Doubts →