Tag: PTSD

The Absolute Void

It is very disconcerting,To wake up screaming,Screaming out at the very top of your lungs, Worse,When you remember,That you were screaming for a while in that dream, β€”Was I screaming out loud that whole time? The subject of the dream,Always the same,A voice unheard,By those close to me, A voice in immense pain,At the limit … Continue reading The Absolute Void →

Reversing The Noise Damage

The incessant noise,Of the past 6 months,Has left in me a paranoia; Just take a deep breath,Why not? Oh, no no no no no,Even with ear plugs in,And noise-cancelling headphones on, Even though I've now blocked out those sounds,My body does not want to relax,Or allow myself to feel good,Ever! Because I'm subconsciously just waiting,For … Continue reading Reversing The Noise Damage →

Emotional PTSD

There's no way,That I can foresee,Talking to close family again; For the root problem remains,This duality in thinking,A contradiction of moralityβ€”To not want to help me problem-solve,Yet take drastic actions,To stop the symptoms,β€”Where the symptoms are,As they define them,And state so explicitly and repeatedlyβ€”The effect of my problems on them; To not want to join … Continue reading Emotional PTSD →

Robin’s Request

Ok,Here's what would suit me,I'm going to say it outright,Because it's about timeβ€” A world of rigidity,Does not suit me, Regular hours,And corporate greed,Peak productivity,β€”All for dollars... Working for a paycheck,Aiming for promotion,Working in the abstract,Whilst Twitter I check; No,Thanks; And this is no idle feeling,I am incapable,Of doing those things; I was born into … Continue reading Robin’s Request →

This Is How It Is

Why do I blame myself,For OCD? I've managed before,To see it for what it is–– A terrible thing,That is happening to me,Against my will,This is obvious to see! Even the bus-lane tickets,Have their roots,To a significant extent,In OCD, –– For I've said it all along,About those nasty routines,Robbing me of joy,And distracting me; Now it's … Continue reading This Is How It Is →

Car Life

I find my thoughts returning,Sometimes,To that long, eventful journey,–– Those seven months of car life,Of 2019; I’ve mentioned it a few times,But it’s only right––It really defined the year,And birthed some of my ideas; I find it sad how,When OCD swallows me whole,Or lost in rumination...–– I can still manage to lose,Even now,All feeling of … Continue reading Car Life →

What Just Happened

Whilst hiding in my room,From my screaming housemate and his hoodlums,My other housemate was screaming,For a different reason... And she came into the kitchen,Crying and in pieces,With a bruise to show,–– her boyfriend had hit her; With a past of abusive partners,And after a long hiatus,She’d finally allowed herself to try,–– For this guy’s alright; … Continue reading What Just Happened →

House Full Of Monkeys

Got a house full of monkeys,Whooping and screaming,I don’t know how they make that sound,And I don’t want to find out; Thought now would be a good time,To try the headphones out,But, of course,They’ve just gone fla–– β€œAHHHH HWAAA HHWWWWAAAHH!!!”,”YAAAAAHA HA HAAAAA!!!!”,BOom, Irradiated by horrific sounds,Silence...Interrupted by––Sudden and sporadic high-pitched explosions; I’m stuck in here, … Continue reading House Full Of Monkeys →

The Night Before Dhanakosa

It’s coming up to the anniversary,Of January 18th,2019, β€” The wintry night when I drove to Dhanakosa,For the meditation retreat; This was in the midst...Of my period of peak trauma,Trying to make a fresh start,Whilst returning back to Edinburgh; Two weeks before this––I’d booked the retreat,Just moments before,Everything fell apart; The plan––Drive up to Edinburgh,Stay … Continue reading The Night Before Dhanakosa →