My brain is dumb,I'm dumbing down,I'm dumbing down,I'm losing braincells, My brain is dumb,I'm dumbing down,Turn a wide-open day,Into hours of anxiety and OCD; All of that potential for feeling good,To work towards goals,"Tomorrow's a new day",Until it isn't, And there's no way to reason out of it,Since it's all for nothing,It's all just the … Continue reading Dumbing Down
When living post-trauma,And especially whilst still in a stressful environmentJust doing things, even simple things, can be incredibly difficult; You plan to do things…Then find yourself hours later, finding the energy to get up to do it,Wondering why or how you haven't done it yet,And what you even did do instead; But the truth is, … Continue reading Post-Trauma Patience
Come on…there's a global pandemic going on and I don't even get to worry about it,I'm so much more concerned with and focused on arguing my case to be housed in my own place,So that I can begin real recovery from events which began before the pandemic,To which the pandemic is only adding in a … Continue reading Pandemic Questions
Haunted By A Nightmare
Still alive, still alive,For now,Caring for myself in the most basic of ways,Surviving the emotional pain and getting through this moment only; It is not a time for too much reflection on the past,Not in the present circumstances—A certain degree of emotional safety is required, before delving into that; Oh, the feeling of bottomless abyss … Continue reading Haunted By A Nightmare
Repeating phrases in my mind,I can't stop it,I just keep doing it! Repeating words which remind me of experiences and people,Not even actual words,But nonsense sounds which are similar, Skirting dangerously closely to saying the names of family members,Just to torment myself,And stop myself from relaxing; I've been doing this now…Saying the same two words … Continue reading Dare Myself
I have to learn more about PTSD,—At first glance,It seems that I have most of the risk factors; I've been referring to PTSD for a long time, anyway,But it's an area that I need to focus on,As the symptoms are holding me back, every single day; "Risk factorsIf you’ve had depression or anxiety in the … Continue reading PTSD
I feel uncomfortable, being myself now,Because I shared my blog with family,(Out of desperation in a terrible situation),Last November, Which very much diminishes a large benefit of having my blog,And diminishes my feeling of independence from them,Which is important and necessary for me to have; Then I was in contact with them again,Last week,Asking for … Continue reading Uncomfortable
How And Why Am I Still Going?
It's been one hell of a day so far,Fifteen hours, it's taken me,Just to get to lunch; There are too many days like this—Where I'm fighting lethargy,Fear at leaving my room and facing the mess,Then the anger, and cleaning which I must do first,Then cleaning the bathroom again if I forget to lock it from … Continue reading How And Why Am I Still Going?
Trauma And Doubts
It takes a long time to recover from trauma,Even without additional obstacles, Your path to reach a good point,Cannot be judged; It is a marathon in the making,Which utterly dwarfs that London one, But the high points, later on,Will make it all worth it. Unless you die of physical illness first,That's always the worry;But nevermind! … Continue reading Trauma And Doubts
The Hopeful Delusion
I had an encouraging conversation,With a mental health person, I'd met her at the mental health hospital in November,During an acute crisis period, And since the police contacted the hospital,(This is pretty raw stuff 😆),She's been back in touch, including by email! She is joint-best, if not the best,Amongst the mental health professionals I've encountered, … Continue reading The Hopeful Delusion
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