The Influencer’s Prayer

Let us give thanksFor our daily stimulationAnd remember our LordWho suffered judgement, persecution and cancellationSacrificing his eternal privacyFor our everlasting sanctity from boredom In the name of our LordWe like, share and subscribe Like, share and subscribe Entertaining Of The 5,000 His followers answered: "Where could we get enough content to entertain such a crowd?" … Continue reading The Influencer’s Prayer →

Transparency, Objectivity, Clarity

I'm going to sayI'm not minimising somethingWhen it's the entire point of my speech I'm going to use verbsWith cult-like associationsTo add fake authority to my words I'm going to pretendThat a different version of objective realityIs true; I don't need a translator, or education in body language, or even wisdom and experience to understand … Continue reading Transparency, Objectivity, Clarity →

Smartphone Man

In some several thousands of years from now…A grave will be unearthed,A time capsule into ages past re-opened,The body of a prehistoric man revealed; It will be shown that burial practices in the 21st century…In some parts of the world,Dictated that human corpses be buried in the phone position, Stiffened limbs locked into place grasping … Continue reading Smartphone Man →

Between Realities

Nothing worse than watching someone,Excited,In the moment,Amidst some exciting happening, Then bam—Down to the phone,Instantly switched,Unresponsive, Then back in the moment excited again!(Apparently or feigning it?)Seemingly present and aware once more! Back down to the phone,Zoned out,Emotionally, consciously to all intents and purposes,Dead, Bam back to the present,Back to phone,Present,Phone,Present,Ph—,Intervals between realities shortening,The moment has … Continue reading Between Realities →

Choosing Freedom

I don't know how it can ever be worth it…Joining thousands and thousands of other people on the roads,All piling into one town, for some event like a festival,Sitting in frustration in all that heat and smog; A bizarre, highly stressful-looking behaviour!A true modern-day nightmare; And I am not part of it!I've opted out!The freedom … Continue reading Choosing Freedom →

Second Wave

The virus has spread, Found new fertile ground, Exploded, I did say, Numbers are rising exponentially, We thought a nuclear war could do the trick, It evaded that one, This latest variant is spaceborne, We need to get these numbers under control before it spreads elsewhere, Such as the Moon or Mars, We could try … Continue reading Second Wave →

How To Die

I'd like to die by running headlong into a lamppost whilst staring at a smartphone; Why? Running is an unattainable luxury when you have bad kneesIt would be quick, painless and you'd go out doing something worthwhileYou wouldn't see it coming! 🤪 I see a lot of people out and about who feel similarly. Photo … Continue reading How To Die →

I’ve Been To An Alternate Reality

Notwithstanding the fact that I've already been to the future of the current reality,And seen that England will first win the European Championship in 2072,I've also popped into an alternate reality where England in fact win it…This weekend; Now,I'm here to warn why it must be so that England will lose this match against Italy— … Continue reading I’ve Been To An Alternate Reality →

Extra Extraneous Errands!

Here is the next installment ofRobin's Weird Errands,Joyless Jacked-up Jaunts,Soul-sucking Supplementary Shit-shows; For a mini-DIY project I'd been planning for a while,I went to the DIY shop, but the piece of wood I wanted was out of stock,I came back, went on-line,And noticed it was available for click-and-collect; Hmm, ok! Let's try that,Maybe they have … Continue reading Extra Extraneous Errands! →

New Technology, Same Old People

I'm going away for a week,I'll be out of contact, You not taking your visor?…But how will you know what to buy and who to avoid?And what about your fitness and location stats?If you get caught… Nah, I'm only taking a smartphone— for emergencies,And I'm leaving my visor installed on a sim-head, Wow, you really … Continue reading New Technology, Same Old People →