Orthopaedophile

Some months ago, almost a year ago, I researched beds and mattresses, curious to find out how much they'd cost and what would be available since I'd never had to buy either of these things. When it came to moving, I then just had to buy them. Looking back I'm impressed with the level of … Continue reading Orthopaedophile →

Happy ChristmASMR

A friend sent me pictures of themselves on a sunny beach eating ice cream on christmas day. I wanted to respond with something in such stark comparison as to appear satirical, to demonstrate the difference between our christmas day scenes. When I went outside I wasn't disappointed. On christmas day I didn't wake up until … Continue reading Happy ChristmASMR →

Things I Have In Common With Fernando Alonso

Natural ability at go-karting"Neck and shoulders of a boxer, legs of a cyclist"Infinite staminaSense of humourLatin temperament1.72m vs 1.71m tall (I'm taller)Both 68kg in weight (in physical prime)Only take part in competitive things where we have a chance of winningOnly happy with winning, anything else is devastatingPassion for (taking part in) all forms of motorsportWide … Continue reading Things I Have In Common With Fernando Alonso →

Fort Plante

(Vampires at the bottom = landlords & letting agents trying to get in 😂) 🌪

Fourth Literary Dimension?

Should've,Could've,Would've…everybody, ever Yeah, yeah…Would've,Should've,Could've,…But you didn't.everybody's manager I've been searching the ether for additional possibilities to this common expression,(Because I like collections and sets),And discovered a possible fourth one— Goa'uld've (i.e. aliens have done it); Example usage: Yeah whatever mate…Should've,Could've,Would've,Goa'uld've,…But none of that is of any use to me, is it?—So fahck off back to … Continue reading Fourth Literary Dimension? →

Choosing Freedom

I don't know how it can ever be worth it…Joining thousands and thousands of other people on the roads,All piling into one town, for some event like a festival,Sitting in frustration in all that heat and smog; A bizarre, highly stressful-looking behaviour!A true modern-day nightmare; And I am not part of it!I've opted out!The freedom … Continue reading Choosing Freedom →

I’ve Been To The Future

I've been to the future,I know when England are next going to win the Euros,And the World Cup; At each stop I had to figure out how to use the technology of the day to check the results,But stopping every 2 years helped greatly with that,…At least until the bionic 60s,Then the Great Reset helped … Continue reading I’ve Been To The Future →

Impenetrable Defences

England will be allowed to play in their final group game against Czech Republic despite Scottish midfielder Barry Gilmour testing positive for Covid-19 shortly after the two sides' nil–nil draw; Following suggestions the England side should self-isolate, UEFA has referred to the UK government's own guidance on social distancing: COVID-19 spreads through close sustained contact … Continue reading Impenetrable Defences →

The Night Prince!

Random bit of fun— I seem to have an uncanny ability to spot likenesses between people, or even things— I once noticed a hilarious (verified by third party!) likeness between a cartoon rabbit and Taylor Swift. This one is too good that I had to share it 🤣. Prince Phillip The Night King 🌪

Toilet Headlines

Leading toilet paper manufacturers have criticised the UK government for not doing enough to stir up 'toilet paper panic' amongst the public, following reports that packets of premium toilet roll still remain on shelves in some supermarkets. The government has responded by imposing indefinite national lockdown from next Thursday onwards. You couldn't make it up! … Continue reading Toilet Headlines →