The Next Labour Governmentβ„’

They only went and did itThe Next Labour Governmentβ„’Invested so much money into our countryEnabled world-beating scientific breakthroughsThey've unleashed hell and created causal ambiguityThey've gone back in time and meddled in economicsInstigated the current recessionWhich will lead to our downfall in the next General Election landslide victoryFor themAll for themThey've broken the continuity of the … Continue reading The Next Labour Governmentβ„’

Pillage The Villagers

"What's so funny?" "Oh…I've just read a witness account about how the nation's mentally ill "formed an orderly ten-mile queue through London's streets to see the Queen's coffin lying in state" …as if it were but a physical representation of the state of the NHS waiting list for mental health treatment…a living monument, a window … Continue reading Pillage The Villagers

Radioisotope Queen

"I've been reading these old-time history books about Queen Elizabeth II's reign, they're fascinating. The mass psychosisβ€”" "Oh yeah, which reign?" "…Which reign?" "Yeahβ€” first or second reign?" "I don't think he knows about second reign…" "Well, after five years of King Charles III, everyone just kind of thoughtβ€” can't we have the Queen back? … Continue reading Radioisotope Queen

Parliament Leaks

Lots of drips on the back-benchesDissolve parliament! Damp members laying on the sob storyWet blankets piled on the floor Something in Parliament is rottenThe roof is caving inTrickle-down economics just isn't workingEven the chamber is crying Tory showerTaking the pissDeckchairs on the titanicSinking shipRatsRatsRats The drip, drip, drip of Cuntservative mis-management has officially became a … Continue reading Parliament Leaks

For. Fuck’s. Sake

I sometimes write creatively perhaps in a way which isn't always immediately obvious, especially when partially-inspired by personal experiences. I enjoy writing in first-person with a subtly-satirical style. Please read tags if unsure! I came out here for some peace and quietWhich was going just fine, untilThat Mr. Musk moved in next door Now even … Continue reading For. Fuck’s. Sake

‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Minister for schoolsDenies eating live babyOn Breakfast TV The government minister for schools has denied eating a live baby live on BBC Breakfast TV. Live, on Breakfast TVAn actual government ministerHas denied eating an actual live babyLiveOn Breakfast TV; We take accusations of this nature very seriouslyThe matter will be thoroughly investigated internally It is … Continue reading ‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Meltdown 3

UltimatePower They said they didn't knowWith what World War Three would be foughtBut World War Four would be fought with sticks and stones How prescient, not to presume; Nuclear-war induced stalemateHad just about kept the peace between the largest nations and alliancesGiven us a twentieth-century golden age We survived thatOnly forA true singularity to come … Continue reading Meltdown 3

Meltdown 2

Starmer, StarmerToo good for solid matter Starmer, StarmerCannot keep his own atoms together Labour build a StarMOATAs Sir Kier turns to literal jelly; And he stood, glass in hand,In the middle of the House of Commons,Gloating over the deconstituted Leader of the Opposition,And downed a pint of Starmer, And we realised,That the culture war, media … Continue reading Meltdown 2

Meltdown

Wait for the reportWait for the police investigationWait for the warWait for the local electionWait for the reportWait for the jubileeWait for the vote of no-confidenceWait for the by-electionWait for the second vote of no-confidenceWait for the general electionWait for the monkeypox outbreakWait for the droughtWait for the floodWait for the famine They needed another … Continue reading Meltdown