(Un)Welcome To The Hotel United Kingdom

We will ensureThat not just anybodyWill be allowed entryInto the United Kingdom's Modern Slavery System; Indeed, anybody whom happens to beSex-trafficked here illegallyWill not be allowed the same rights as UK slavesFor UK slaves are afforded more rights than any other slavesInThe world; Moreover, those would-be slavesCrossing in their billions in make-shift boatsWhom do not … Continue reading (Un)Welcome To The Hotel United Kingdom →

Tell Him Off!!

Mr Speaker he stole my pocket money and shared it out amongst his mates!! Mr Speaker during the first lockdown he breathed on me and said haha you've got covid!! Mr Speaker whenever I offer him a sweet he always grabs a handful, but never shares any in return! Mr Speaker…Mr Speaker…Mr Speaker I am … Continue reading Tell Him Off!! →

Feeling It

Today I feel…fermionI feel…bosonI feel…quantum-entangled with particles of all compositionsI feel…spooky action at a distanceI feel…multi-dimensional Grandad's off on one again! I feel…migrant workerI feel…I know what it's like. We need a new universe. 🌪

Pillage The Villagers

"What's so funny?" "Oh…I've just read a witness account about how the nation's mentally ill "formed an orderly ten-mile queue through London's streets to see the Queen's coffin lying in state" …as if it were but a physical representation of the state of the NHS waiting list for mental health treatment…a living monument, a window … Continue reading Pillage The Villagers →

Radioisotope Queen

"I've been reading these old-time history books about Queen Elizabeth II's reign, they're fascinating. The mass psychosis—" "Oh yeah, which reign?" "…Which reign?" "Yeah— first or second reign?" "I don't think he knows about second reign…" "Well, after five years of King Charles III, everyone just kind of thought— can't we have the Queen back? … Continue reading Radioisotope Queen →

For. Fuck’s. Sake

I sometimes write creatively perhaps in a way which isn't always immediately obvious, especially when partially-inspired by personal experiences. I enjoy writing in first-person with a subtly-satirical style. Please read tags if unsure! I came out here for some peace and quietWhich was going just fine, untilThat Mr. Musk moved in next door Now even … Continue reading For. Fuck’s. Sake →

Five Little Scroungers

Five little scroungers bouncing on the breadlineOne fell off the payroll and developed anxietyWent to the jobcentre and the jobcentre saidFuck off Four little scroungers struggling to get up the stairsOne fell down and became disabledWent to the DWP and the DWP saidFuck off Three little scroungers jumping on a sheet of cardboardOne got evicted … Continue reading Five Little Scroungers →

The Influencer’s Prayer

Let us give thanksFor our daily stimulationAnd remember our LordWho suffered judgement, persecution and cancellationSacrificing his eternal privacyFor our everlasting sanctity from boredom In the name of our LordWe like, share and subscribe Like, share and subscribe Entertaining Of The 5,000 His followers answered: "Where could we get enough content to entertain such a crowd?" … Continue reading The Influencer’s Prayer →

Licensed To Party

What a fascinating spectacle…How to define in lawA social occasion? Can you defend your gatheringWas it a partyWas it a dinnerWas it a work meetingDid you play Hungry Hippos? When does a meetingBecome a partyAnd when does a partyBecome a meetingTherein lies the built-in, implicit needFor discretion and subjective judgement But that doesn't hold up … Continue reading Licensed To Party →

Finite Resource

Congratulations, You have completed all the thoughtsThere is nothing left to think; Save some thoughts for me, I'm sorryThere aren't any left, You selfish bastard! 🌪️