Beaten Down

In the beginning blogging helped a lotIn the beginning Sertraline medication helped a lotIn the beginning self-practised ERP therapy helped a lot They all still help but I ran out of 'fresh starts' from too many drastic changes of circumstancesI'm worn out and can't go any further without intervention from the psychologistAnd having all the … Continue reading Beaten Down →

Life In The Horror Show

And there I satAt my wit's endAfter seven months of struggleAnd inexplicable experiences I logged back onto facebookAs my final actMade it plainJust how little of life I cared; There, I glimpsedAmongst it allAfter everything I had experiencedHaving lived on the edge for so longFacing death so many times, alone The faces of those whom … Continue reading Life In The Horror Show →

Work Capability Assessment

I went to Stepping Forward today to complete the Work Capability Assessment form. It's the final hurdle I need to pass before I feel I can breathe a sigh of relief, since being deemed not capable of working is essential for me to maintain receiving Universal Credit (incl. rent payments) without being forced to look … Continue reading Work Capability Assessment →

Bracing For The No

I phoned Launchpad earlier, to update them on my housing/court hearing situation, and to ask about the possibility of them putting me on the waiting list for a 1-bedroom place rather than a shared place now that I am closer to my 35th birthday. Since the council has only offered 2 viewings so far in … Continue reading Bracing For The No →

Deadstick Landing

I can literally see a runway off to my right! Ok, stand by for vector…Turn left heading two-niner-zero, maintain flight level one-hundred, And free to use any runway, yeah? … How many souls on board? Just one…me,I repeat this is a Mayday! Negative RS 1987, maintain holding pattern,All runways are currently occupied, But I have … Continue reading Deadstick Landing →

Silence

I still haven't hadOne human voiceTalk to me about the incident today,Or in any kind of way about anything, Just one, friendly human voice. I'm fucking breaking. I've been protecting my best friend from it because she's in such a stressful, vulnerable situation herself, and it's been a slow and difficult process to try to … Continue reading Silence →

Me, Alive

I am me,Highly stressed,In an extremely fragile situation; Those who knew me,Know this is not me,But me is still there,Just needs to be without the stress; It's a terrifying situation,Judgmental people make it,Infinitely worse,In a situation which can spiral out of control,So easily; This is not me,I know who I am,I just need the chance,To … Continue reading Me, Alive →

Waiting

I,Need,Family to help me,Somehow find a privately-rented place to myself,Which is on a ground floor,And which accepts benefit payments to pay for the rent,Which is actually impossible,Because what I am describing is a bungalow,And any landlord of a bungalow will NEVER except housing benefit to pay for rent,So I'm back to square one; Since it … Continue reading Waiting →

Overview Of My Situation

I'm writing all of this down here so I can quickly explain to people what's going on, and for myself to refer back to in urgent situations and to help to keep my head clear and focused on the situation. Personal Independence Payment (PIP) Application — for people with disabilitiesNeeds to be re-started. I will … Continue reading Overview Of My Situation →

Crisis In The Making

I went to lie down for a bit,Instinctively, Just to rest a little bit,And get out of my head; —Now this is where the antidepressants help me,They help me,To relax myself, But it's always the same,—Just as I start to relax,(And I started to feel great),AN EXPLOSIVE SOUND,From the ceiling above 😨,And another,A creepy, slow-motion … Continue reading Crisis In The Making →