‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Minister for schoolsDenies eating live babyOn Breakfast TV The government minister for schools has denied eating a live baby live on BBC Breakfast TV. Live, on Breakfast TVAn actual government ministerHas denied eating an actual live babyLiveOn Breakfast TV; We take accusations of this nature very seriouslyThe matter will be thoroughly investigated internally It is … Continue reading ‘Guilty’ Is Such A Loaded Term

Torn Between Two Worlds

I can't decide whether I want my hair long or short,β€”A privileged position, I know, But also I can't decide which side of myself I most relate toβ€” The intense, determined, go-getting side,Who likes things streamlined for efficiency,Likes to keep moving,Likes to count press-ups, the peculiar romance and exhilaration of living to a regiment, And … Continue reading Torn Between Two Worlds

Like There’s No Tomorrow, When There Perfectly Is

Yesterday was traumatising,For noise outside my window, I slowly awoke, and lay in fear,At footsteps clip-clopping,Car doors slamming,And engines revving like there's no tomorrow; Turns out,That expression was perfectly-apt,For I waited until late at night,Before going to the supermarket… And what did I find?Lots of shelves suddenly looking sparse!Lots of staff frantically working fastβ€” Oh,I … Continue reading Like There’s No Tomorrow, When There Perfectly Is

Cracking The Code

It takes me years,Decades, sometimes,To finally learn the words to some (most) songs, I can't pick apart the words from the background,So it takes dedicated sessions,Sitting down and practising them; It's quite frustrating, because until then,I can't sing along to even my favourite songs,I have to be content with making sounds which sound like words,Or … Continue reading Cracking The Code

Celebrity Leg Cross

It's a bit like misophonia,But certain observations in society annoy me,Due to their disturbing cross-pollinated consistency,In certain situations; The male celebrity leg cross,Is one example, Why must it correlate so strongly with being a celebrity?Being interviewed? The arbitrariness of it fascinates and frustrates me,But also due to my high levels of emotional empathy,It makes me … Continue reading Celebrity Leg Cross

Mysterious Metaphors

Imagine reading poems literally,With the metaphors constructing scenes,Concrete and usually totally absurd,In the mind; Perhaps metaphors are part of the original definition of what poems are,β€”As I've never heard nor seen a definition,I'm just guessing,But I've always wondered; Honestly, at some point,I thought it was just text arbitrarily broken up with commas,Maybe with some rhyming;There's … Continue reading Mysterious Metaphors

Wait And See, Wait And See

Bring it on,Bring it on,Bring on the second wave! Bring it on,Bring it on,Let's be rid of these stupid rules! I'm tired now,I'm bored now,Drop them all simultaneously, I'm tired now,I'm bored now,We'll just blame it all on the idiocy! The death knell tolls,The dead men smells,I have no call for priorities, The death knell … Continue reading Wait And See, Wait And See

Sticks And Groans

Petition calling for end to scarecrow cruelty signed by one million scarecrows in just two days,As millions of strawmen set to be burned worldwide,Amidst misinformation, confusion and twitter wars during virus pandemic; We interviewed a bird table, who told usβ€”"To be honest (and I may be full of shit),But I'm of the opinion that we … Continue reading Sticks And Groans

Where You Gunna Shit?

To all the crowds heading to the beach,Sitting in traffic cos you're starting to miss it,Common-sense and gratitude gone out the window,You know you're just a try-hard for that Darwin award; Where you gunna shit?Where you gunna shit?Where you gunna shit when you're at the beach? Where you gunna shit?Where you gunna shit?There's fuck-all open,Nary … Continue reading Where You Gunna Shit?