Air Crash Investigation Classics

The plane was shaking violently,And when I looked out of the window,I could see that we were coming in way too fast; The actual touchdown wasn't too hard,It just felt like a hard landing,We bounced a little,β€”Nothing to worry about; The plane started slowing,Everybody started clapping,We were all so relieved…To be home and dry,I even … Continue reading Air Crash Investigation Classics

That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

I think we've all come to realise,During these past few months…The true value of face-to-face interaction, πŸ€”πŸ˜ As well as those other things in our lives which are important,And those which aren't, πŸ€”πŸ˜ And as a society we've been forced to confront… and to understand,Just how fragile our sense of normality,Even our mortality,And all of … Continue reading That ClichΓ©d Covid Speech

Indignified Individuals

There are certain situations,In which we cease to become people,And we become…Individuals! Those selfish individuals!Discordant individuals!!Those individuals who're struggling with their mental health!!Individual wankers!!The lot of them!!The great anonymous, homogeneous, isotropic,Amorphous multitude of them!! Put in our place,Centre-stage in a ghastly, sweltering hodgepodge mass ofβ€”Filthy,Little…Indi-vid-yoo-ahllss! βš°οΈβš°οΈβš°οΈπŸ•ΊπŸΏπŸ•ΊπŸΏπŸ•ΊπŸΏ πŸŒͺ

How To Talk Like A Politician

Get a pen, some paper and some scissors,Cut the paper into small strips,Write the following words and phrases on the paper strips:β€”Legislationβ€”Cast-iron gauranteesβ€”The general publicβ€”Ordinary people (thanks)β€”Theβ€”NHS...Put all of the strips into a hat,Mix them around,Select five at random,Eat them,Take some laxatives,Wait a few hours... That's how you talk like a politician. What! It is!! … Continue reading How To Talk Like A Politician