The Hidden Achievement

A year ago, I used to say to myselfβ€”I survived the seven months in the car,Survived countless low-points and bottlenecks to survival,I'm awesome, man, And take comfort from that when feeling anxious,When feeling scared to walk around the supermarket,Caught up in anxious OCD rituals and feeling very self-conscious; It's easy to do so when there's … Continue reading The Hidden Achievement

Trauma Dreams Again

I awoke from a dream, yesterdayβ€” My brother had smashed a fire extinguisher,Then my dad arrived on the scene; Implicit assumption, it must have been me,β€”The look on his face of sheer righteousness and disgust,As he pointed the extinguisher,And squirted it at me, as punishment; I tried to shout and to scream,To set the record … Continue reading Trauma Dreams Again

How Do You Sleep At Night? Huh?

How do you sleep at night?Taking so much from me, F***ing OCD,Trauma-coping mechanisms; These past two years,All of those experiencesβ€” Trying to play instruments,Trying to read a book,Meeting up with a friend,The daytime drives, the night drives,Everything which might bring me joy,Triggers in me, instead, anxiety and fear,Retreat into distracting and numbing mental routines,β€”Putting the … Continue reading How Do You Sleep At Night? Huh?

Intercision

What to do,When family is stalking you?When after too much trauma,You cannot hear from them? When you don't want to share anymore of yourself,Even when it's passive,Via observing your creations; Damn, damn, damn; I tried to cut the contact,Cut it cleanly,To separate myself,From that external dΓ¦mon, "Intercision was the process by which a human was … Continue reading Intercision

Don’t Listen To The Judgers

β€œOn ten counts of first-degree suffering of traumatic experiences, how do you plead?”, β€œNot guilty”, "You are hereby sentenced to 20 years of no empathy, repeated put-downs and victim-blaming. Let you become an example for society!”. πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash πŸŒͺ

Everlasting/Dogsplosion πŸ•

I'll never understand how they can think so little of me,Knee-jerk reaction,Looking down upon me, I'm emotionally abusive,Out with nefarious intentions,But I've checked, checked and triple-checked,And I can confidently say thatβ€”No, I am not, I'm a simple person,I live to help people (and make them laugh :P),Nothing makes my life more worthwhile or more fulfilling, … Continue reading Everlasting/Dogsplosion πŸ•

Rediscovering

Phew,I am recovering,From family interaction, And depression,Instigated by the environment; I'm taking control of my environment,By isolating myself to my room,And becoming self-sufficient,From the rest of the house, Yes, that means a more-limited diet,But I could take no pleasure, in cooking anyway,And with a fridge and a microwave,There is plenty of variety; I survived for … Continue reading Rediscovering

Dare Myself

Repeating phrases in my mind,I can't stop it,I just keep doing it! Repeating words which remind me of experiences and people,Not even actual words,But nonsense sounds which are similar, Skirting dangerously closely to saying the names of family members,Just to torment myself,And stop myself from relaxing; I've been doing this now…Saying the same two words … Continue reading Dare Myself