They only went and did itThe Next Labour Governmentβ’Invested so much money into our countryEnabled world-beating scientific breakthroughsThey've unleashed hell and created causal ambiguityThey've gone back in time and meddled in economicsInstigated the current recessionWhich will lead to our downfall in the next General Election landslide victoryFor themAll for themThey've broken the continuity of the … Continue reading The Next Labour Governmentβ’
Category: Fiction
For. Fuck’s. Sake
I sometimes write creatively perhaps in a way which isn't always immediately obvious, especially when partially-inspired by personal experiences. I enjoy writing in first-person with a subtly-satirical style. Please read tags if unsure! I came out here for some peace and quietWhich was going just fine, untilThat Mr. Musk moved in next door Now even … Continue reading For. Fuck’s. Sake
Meltdown 3
UltimatePower They said they didn't knowWith what World War Three would be foughtBut World War Four would be fought with sticks and stones How prescient, not to presume; Nuclear-war induced stalemateHad just about kept the peace between the largest nations and alliancesGiven us a twentieth-century golden age We survived thatOnly forA true singularity to come … Continue reading Meltdown 3
Meltdown 2
Starmer, StarmerToo good for solid matter Starmer, StarmerCannot keep his own atoms together Labour build a StarMOATAs Sir Kier turns to literal jelly; And he stood, glass in hand,In the middle of the House of Commons,Gloating over the deconstituted Leader of the Opposition,And downed a pint of Starmer, And we realised,That the culture war, media … Continue reading Meltdown 2
Meltdown
Wait for the reportWait for the police investigationWait for the warWait for the local electionWait for the reportWait for the jubileeWait for the vote of no-confidenceWait for the by-electionWait for the second vote of no-confidenceWait for the general electionWait for the monkeypox outbreakWait for the droughtWait for the floodWait for the famine They needed another … Continue reading Meltdown
Honorary Membership
We questioned why we'd need to be a part of their defence pact, when hitherto we'd known nothing of aliens. They convinced us that we were soon to cross a threshold of coming onto the radar of advanced civilisations across the galaxy (including the nefarious ones). To sweeten the deal they offered us something we … Continue reading Honorary Membership
An Unexpected Invitation
Scientists always came through when you needed them,Hence, finally, a first rough translation: CongratulationsAlive post-carbon machinesWorried we, a long durationAlive post-nuclearSomehowWelcome So we'd learned of a concerted effort to avoid contact,Certain milestones they'd needed to see, first,Us meeting strict criteria as to the ideal moment for mutual benefit; They wanted to invite us, now,To join … Continue reading An Unexpected Invitation
Into The Red And Back
Such is the convoluted and peculiar nature of itβ¦ There are decades where nothing happens,And weeks where decades happen, Just as there are vast swathes of country where nothing happens,And singular locations where a country's worth of history happens; Nobody asked for simultaneous global events,Successive disasters casting the previous into new perspectives,But this exquisite geographical … Continue reading Into The Red And Back
Tale, Old, Time
The ashen rock layer,Chipped away,Consistent with the global boundary,A fine lineDefining this long-stilled era; Extant organisms piled on top of each otherβ¦ Cross-correlation of worldwide sites,A global event, dramatic cause,Perhaps it wasn't an impact,Heavy with plutonium,No iridiumβ¦this time; Rock hammer relinquished, claw retracted,The persistent geologist followed the invisible pheromone trail,Pondering what could have brought an … Continue reading Tale, Old, Time
Order of the Supreme Court: SMITH vs. STATE
TheparticularvaccinatedpassengerindividualWas extractedfrom theaircraftAnd subjectedto teststo determinesusceptibilityto systematic5G microwavecoercionIt wasdetermined thatdespite beingtriple-vaccinatedAnd upon beingadministeredwith a furtherbooster shotTheparticularpassengerindividualIs immune toEnhanced 5GQuantum-PhaseSuperpositionalControlIt isthereforetheunanimousjudgementof thiscourtAnd in thepublicinterestThat theparticularvaccinatedpassengerindividualShall befucking shot. πͺ
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