I repeat their names
In my head, spontaneously
Because it’s triggering
And self-torturing
If I do it
I’ll feel the need to repeat the last compulsion
Out of feeling too abashed and indignant
And so the cycle goes
All it takes is a silent word to myself
To set me backwards;
What baleful, mortifying names torment me still?
I am talking Proper Nouns
Names of People
People tied up with stressful memories
Yeah, fuck them
So I tell myself not to repeat their names
A compulsion in itself;
Let’s dive into that
Consider why it affects me
Why I let the weight of imagined judgement
And others’ unhealthy psychologies
Weigh me down as if they were my own.
Or let’s just stop thinking π.
πͺ
π»πππππ
π πΆπ πͺππππ πͺ 
Whats really sad is I understand this post. Although not exactly the same, I don’t have a problem with people’s names, but certain words and images can put me in a “mental mind compulsion”. I sure wish I could make things easier RoBIN. Did you ever meet with a therapist yet? I think you mentioned finding an affordable one near you?
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Oh yes I have that too, I know what you mean. Well it’s all the better for knowing that somebody relates! That’s so important for people with OCD, right? Only other sufferers can possibly relate. And it always feels miraculous every single time. Thanks for your comment.
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I wrote an update post after this one mentioning the therapy stuff π
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I finally got a referral for a therapist but still waiting on the appointment. Been almost a month and still waiting.
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Oh damn. I hope you get to see someone soon. I have no idea how your healthcare works with that.
Here you either wait years on a waiting list or pay privately and see someone instantly. Two extremes.
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Uggghhhh I hate when I get mortifying names in my head!
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Whaaaaaaat you too. Interesting!
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Yes and it’s awful! Or there will be a weird phrase about them, often sexual. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not anything tempting or enjoyable, it’s embarrassing and cringey!
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I keep forgetting that you deal with ocd too. Seriously thanks for sharing though it’s exactly the same with me for some of them. I find it crazy that others can do the same things, so specifically. It helps.
And yeah it’s actually an expression of our values through our brain’s creativity imagining the exact opposite scenarios.
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My OCD is pretty mild and not worthy of the name, really, lest someone think I have it worse than I actually do. It definitely strikes at the values you hold most dear.
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