Proper Nouns Which Linger

I repeat their names
In my head, spontaneously
Because it’s triggering
And self-torturing

If I do it
I’ll feel the need to repeat the last compulsion
Out of feeling too abashed and indignant
And so the cycle goes

All it takes is a silent word to myself
To set me backwards;

What baleful, mortifying names torment me still?
I am talking Proper Nouns
Names of People
People tied up with stressful memories

Yeah, fuck them
So I tell myself not to repeat their names
A compulsion in itself;

Let’s dive into that
Consider why it affects me
Why I let the weight of imagined judgement
And others’ unhealthy psychologies
Weigh me down as if they were my own.

Or let’s just stop thinking πŸ˜‚.


10 thoughts on “Proper Nouns Which Linger

  1. Whats really sad is I understand this post. Although not exactly the same, I don’t have a problem with people’s names, but certain words and images can put me in a “mental mind compulsion”. I sure wish I could make things easier RoBIN. Did you ever meet with a therapist yet? I think you mentioned finding an affordable one near you?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes and it’s awful! Or there will be a weird phrase about them, often sexual. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not anything tempting or enjoyable, it’s embarrassing and cringey!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I keep forgetting that you deal with ocd too. Seriously thanks for sharing though it’s exactly the same with me for some of them. I find it crazy that others can do the same things, so specifically. It helps.

        And yeah it’s actually an expression of our values through our brain’s creativity imagining the exact opposite scenarios.


      3. My OCD is pretty mild and not worthy of the name, really, lest someone think I have it worse than I actually do. It definitely strikes at the values you hold most dear.


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