That trip idea has caused me a real dilemma, like everything does when you’re struggling with OCD, never mind mobility issues. I was feeling better knowing that I’d just cancel and not feel bad about it, if I needed to. I was occupied with the task of finding a psychologist.
Now I’ve also learned that there happens to be a rail strike on the day I was going to come back. I was planning to arrive on Friday afternoon and come back Saturday afternoon. The rail strike forces me into a 2-day trip which is a whole other consideration, especially considering the fact I can’t take the electric scooter on the train. So besides the delicate OCD issue, it’d be two days of sitting around which isn’t healthy, and not fair on his parents since we’re occupying their house. There’d be my friend, his wife and child, parents, my other friend and me in their small house. Yeah I mean that sounds unrealistic under any circumstances. My friend is unusually laid back with things, you could say to a fault. His parents are relaxed too but there’s always a limit. Weirdly it seems like my other friend thought all along that the trip was going to be two days, whilst the main friend had agreed with me to one day.
Being without mobility independence when you have limited mobility is not at all fun. Actually it’s very nerve-wracking. It’s just another area of my life that is pending resolution, figuring out adaptations, which requires consistently stable circumstances and finances. I can get around in day-to-day life on my electric scooter, but can’t take it on the train since it’s a fire risk :). So at some point I need a manual wheelchair or something (which can fold up so I don’t have to sit in a wheelchair space by the toilets). Being cooped up for two days when you’re someone who needs activity and fresh air never goes well. My other friend is similar to me and will just be itching to go for a walk or something.
Anyway I sent my friends a (serious-sounding!) message and put it out in the open:
I’ve got to warn you that I might not be able to make it. I’m not sure if I can handle 2 days sitting around since I can’t bring my scooter on the train, and it’s not good for your parents either. When it was an afternoon/night it was just manageable since it made sense getting a taxi to one place and back, but the rail strike forcing me into 2 days makes a big difference and it’s really hard to keep the OCD under control. My priority is trying to recover from OCD now that my circumstances have recently settled down, and to not derail progress through extra stresses, and I’m trying to find a psychologist (which is itself a huge task) and then see if my parents will pay for it, since access to help is otherwise impossible. My daily life is still extremely dysfunctional
See this whole thing has now just taken up my last two hours, when I was otherwise doing well earlier. All this thinking…I can’t stand nor need it.