No OCD starting from now…
One last thing
Right, no OCD starting from now
Wait, no no,
No OCD starting from NOW
Damnit there was an annoying sound
Now I’m itching
Now OCD starting from now…
What the fuck?
Shut the hell up 😂😂😂.
Wait no that phrase reminds me of dismissive people from my past and traumatic memories…
Argggh now I’m uncomfortable again
Got to do this one last thing and start again…
And so it goes on!
On a serious note though I have been really struggling the past few years in general with phrases or words which remind me of stressful memories. Words that sound like people’s names for example, or of phrases which people said to me, or just in any way remind me of a traumatic situation. The fact that the word ‘and’ is so close to one of my parents’ names and is so common is troublesome. They really really get in the way of snapping out of OCD routines, but mostly when I am saying stuff ‘out loud’ in my head and mis-pronounce it slightly. As a result I am often resorting to thinking ‘without words’, which is faster anyway but comes with less emphasis. I don’t need to ‘narrate’ everything but it’s a reassuring habit when it’s not fuelling OCD.
It’s just one of the many things I’d love to discuss in detail with a therapist! But writing this’ll have to do.
Actually one thing I wanted to try again when I feel more settled was an OCD Skype group through ocdaction.org.uk. I first joined that from my car in June 2019. I attended a couple of more times but my daily existence has prevented me from being able to manage it and it was one of the things I had to cut out.