Noes All The Way Down

• Went to Launchpad registration appointment last Wednesday, to register for the second time in 7 months after they randomly closed my previous case after accepting me.
• Appointment took 1 hour, carefully going through a bunch of stuff and completing a ‘recovery star’. Right at the very end it occurred to them that they would have trouble housing me since they don’t have any ground floor places, and every flat they do own is part of a block of flats with only internal stairs inside and no lift. This is extremely typical of UK housing and a total nightmare when you have mobility problems. Their doubtful faces said it all.
• I asked, rhetorically: “So what are disabled people supposed to do? 😏”. Well they didn’t quite grasp that I was including myself within that group, and went on to tell me how they have specially adapted places or get existing places adapted for those people. But of course they were envisioning people with visible physical disabilities, such as people who need to use a wheelchair. They were implicitly not including me within the group of ‘people with disabilities’. There simply is no common language for people like me.
• I went home frustrated at the 7 months spent on a dead-end, when they could have just admitted all of this upfront. The council had referred me to Launchpad because they were struggling to house me. Launchpad have now referred me back to the council. The solicitor helping me with my eviction case (who works with Launchpad) has always been adamant that it’s Launchpad that I need to stick with. Well, next week I will have to tell him that Launchpad have ditched me and that despite us having ‘pushed our luck’ for 7 months, I am no closer to being housed.
• I am frustrated with the Salvation Army for repeatedly reassuring me not to worry about housing, that we’ll find a solution and who wouldn’t let me have my justified fatalism in the face of no signs at all that things are going to work out. It’s frustrating because I allowed myself to feel genuinely reassured despite all rationale. The only truths about my situation are:
  • That I can and should only live one day at a time, optimistically according to my values and goals, no matter what. Salvation Army agrees with this.
  • That my situation is fucking messed up and dire, becoming more-so each day.
  • That I am being failed in every possible direction by any organisation or service with the means to help. I need people to admit this and face it head-on.
  • That I have no reason to believe that things are going to work out and I that won’t be homeless, but I continue to hope so.
  • I am a tennis ball.

I am done with letting people get away with blind assertions even for a second. They are just no use to me at all and a waste of energy.

Oh and I forwarded the Launchpad email to my MP prefaced with a summary of my situation, expressing hope for long-term change.

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