I’ve been struggling a lot lately with OCD and motivation. It’s been a while since I was able to get beyond the basic tasks in a day and do extra things I wanted to do. Developments:
- My Salvation Army support person is changing. This is a good thing as although the previous one meant well, they were honestly a bit of a liability. On Friday they offhandedly told me that they drove the wrong way up my one-way street, and that they were “wondering why all the cars were facing the other way” 😳. Of course this example didn’t directly impact the support they were able to give me, but there were many occasions where their ditsiness caused problems actually, even just to hold a coherent conversation. Anyway the new one has been round before and is really interested in my plants, and she seems much better!
- I received a new eviction court hearing date. The judge had told us it would be the “first available date after April 4th” so I knew it would be at least 4 weeks. I got 30th May!! Holy crap that’s over two months’ execution stay.
- Just a few hours before receiving that court letter I was offered a new viewing by the council for a 1-bed place.
At first the new viewing offer filled me with anxiety all over again (as with the previous one), because it seemed really inappropriate again, and I was dreading the whole adjusting to whatever new place I do end up in, and also I was really resentful of the fact that I have to rush into it at all.
My last several years have been rushing into new living circumstances— having to move in with my brother in 2018 when my independent living broke down; moving in with my parents when that became untenable because of the local swimming pool being unbearable; driving down to London to stay with my friend for a few days after inexplicably and suddenly being made homeless; driving to Bristol to stay with my other friend’s parents for a week; driving back up to Edinburgh to begin trying to resettle there (and attend a meditation retreat I’d already booked) but ultimately living in my car for 7 months; moving in with my aunt, which lasted 3 months; being housed by the council here in temporary accommodation at short notice, which has turned into two-and-a-half years. Everything has been just survival with no luxury of meeting any of my needs, and a lot of stress.
Anyway it turned out with the new place the pictures I’d initially found online were of the next-door place which was worse, and with more time to think about it I was able to adjust to the location-based issues. This new place is basically perfect in terms of the building itself— ground-floor place with no-one living above (it’s a one-storey extension on an old bakery building which was turned into 3 flats). It’s in great condition and modernised. The landlord is apparently very nice.
The only downside is location as it’s on the other side of the motorway outside of town, near to the motorway and another main road. But actually the noise from those will be much more manageable because it’s the jarring sounds of revving engines going past and other people in the house which are the problem in the current place, regarding noise. With double-glazed windows/door, ear plugs and headphones background noise isn’t a problem. The immediate neighbourhood is quiet with farms and lakes nearby. And I can still scoot into town without having to drive, it’s just a 4/5 mile adventure now rather than 1/2 miles, beginning with scooting over an overpass over the big roads, which itself is quite fun as it’s basically an elevated racetrack. One of my two friends still lives only 2 miles away, just in the opposite direction :).
My viewing is tomorrow but I’ve already been to visit the location yesterday. All-in-all I am not going to get better than this place because there will always be downsides, but this one’s downsides are manageable and it has many advantages. The location is a reason why others aren’t interested in it, which I can capitalise on. Of course this is an extremely good development considering the last few years! But I now run the risk of becoming too attached to this hope so I am tempering my optimism as usual.