OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities

OCD without support is the hardest thing in the world,
Not that OCD with support is necessarily easy (I imagine),

But OCD without support is like having your legs blown off,
And not being given prosthetics or physiotherapy;

It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced,
Especially because my current circumstances encourage relapses and loss of hard-won progress.

For the first time now I describe myself as having a mental disability. Not that it changes anything, it’s just terminology. It previously made me flinch (benefits advisor throws it around!) because I’m obviously so capable, even now. But I could be much more capable and all-too-often I’m totally incapable. My apparent outward capability is very much an illusion created by short periods of capability and high lucidity. Very much the same as with my hidden severe knee arthritisβ€” being able to stroll confidently into a room for a distance of a few metres (because I am young and experienced in looking after my kneesβ€” twenty years this year) belies an entire universe of ongoing, accumulated and future loss of opportunities. My close friend, in her own situation, experiences the same outward perception issues. Any situation of abuse for example can create a similar illusion.

So, yes, right now I for sure have a severe mental disability. Not that there’s any way at all to express that in a PIP application form, lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I can make cups of tea, therefore I must be independent πŸ˜‰.

I brew,
Therefore I can.


(Somebody can have that mug design for free).


9 thoughts on “OCD, Difficulty And Capabilities

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