But…why couldn’t I do this thing much earlier, if I can do it now?
But…why did I spend all that time doing that mindless thing when I don’t want to do it now?
OCD; It was soothing when it was the only thing you could do,
Would I really have been staring at a wall instead if I hadn’t done that soothing thing?
But…so much time, days, weeks, months, years—
That’s the reality,
And this is the pernicious thing with OCD,
Even when you see improvements;
The self-gaslighting, internal propaganda are out of this world;
Don’t fall for it.
The secret is always just to discard all of that painful past,
In fact even less than that—
Relieved and happy to do what you wanted to do now,
—A refugee from pain which you truly fucking are—
And keep reminding yourself of why you couldn’t before,
And the same again the next time it happens,
And so on.