Keeping It Together

I’m still waiting to hear from the court in response to my defence against the eviction. It’s a bit unsettling to have not had a response yet as the ‘hearing’ date was Friday last week. It makes me anxious about somehow missing a letter they would send with the date that bailiffs will come round. My Salvation Army support person is going to try to phone the court with me next week.

In the meantime…I’ve just discovered that the box of moving boxes which the Salvation Army bought for me 6 weeks ago…has disappeared. The boxes came flat-packed in a giant box which I’d left against the living room wall. Sometime in the past two days that box has just…disappeared! My overriding feeling is that I just feel sick…sick with having to live at the mercy of others and their unpredictable and intrusive actions…

I can’t say that I’m surprised, the bizarre and unnecessary challenges like this that living here has created have been endless. Kitchen equipment I had to throw away. Cleaning equipment I will have to buy again. It’s basically complete anarchy outside of my room. Damnit, there’s a whole build-up of stress that’s going to be released if I ever get the chance to live freely again. There’s a part of me that wants to cry but I cannot. I cannot spare any energy beyond just keeping it together and maintaining as even a mood as I can.


10 thoughts on “Keeping It Together

    1. Thanks :). I think about this sometimes too, and it all comes down to having started blogging and found supportive people here. I am still continually balancing the pros and cons of rage-quitting vs going on πŸ˜†, and ultimately it’s the people I’m in regular contact with which tip the balance in favour of surviving, which kind of means I have no choice 😩. It’s honestly comforting to know I have another option in worst case, and deliberately choose one or the other. Often it just comes down to my eczema is on fire and triggering OCD, and I need to get moving to mitigate that (washing, painkillers, exercise) then other urgent tasks that need doing, and after that I feel much better. Also it’s hard to picture without being here just how successfully I’ve insulated myself in my room from the outside. Crossing the doorway into my room is like entering a portal to another world lol.

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