Erasure Of Disgust

Anxiety, Poem 1 Minute

Sometimes, when I see something so disgusting,
I can’t stop bringing it back to mind,
Nor do anything else,
Until I’ve found the ‘right’ way to reconcile this with the world;

In fact, now I remember writing about this on here before;
Anyway, there are times in survival mode I am able to numb myself to such things,
Other times not,
And I’m trying to find the ‘right’ way to leave the thought and restore my sanity,
Especially before it enters long-term memory;

I’ve been doing this for two hours,
Even whilst yesterday I was doing remarkably well with the usual issues and much more focused and sane;

Sometimes…
The whole world should be exploded for the sake of erasure from reality such things and all memories of them which should never have existed in the first place.

The galaxy is lava.

πŸŒͺ

Published by 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑡 πŸͺ

I write poems which are mental health-themed, creative or humourous :). Within mental health I write a lot about: ADHD, OCD, anxiety, autism, emotional traumaβ€” usually with an optimistic slant. My goals for my blog are to give myself a therapeutic, creative outlet whilst also being able to connect with and relate to other people.

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12 thoughts on “Erasure Of Disgust”

  2. I hope this doesn’t come off as trivializing whatever you’ve gone through, but I feel this way when I read about animal abuse and “research” and the meat industry. Sometimes I feel compelled to look things up because I feel like if I don’t know what’s going on in the world, I’m complicit. I feel like if suffering is happening, than I need to know about it. When I see the pictures, I want to die and get off this planet. I just keep picturing them suffering and not understanding why. These feelings can be applied to the abuse of children, as well. Too much suffering in this world, I feel overwhelmed often.

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    1. Oh no, not at all! I actually wrote this in response to physically disgusting mess in the house and other similar scenarios lol, but I feel exactly the same about those things you mentioned.

      I read it back and realised there was no specific reference to the scenario I had in mind, so was interested to see how well it fit these other ones. But that is exactly what happens when I learn about acts of cruelty and things. It was worse when I was younger, stuff could stick with me for weeks/months. And I expected to be murdered at any time if I was outside in the dark alone, or in the house aloneβ€¦πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ. Because of these things, I’ve had such a burning desire to help people. I can compartmentalise it better now but yeah I still get that feeling of overwhelm sometimes. What I’ve experienced or am currently experiencing never affects how I view other struggles, interestingly. And it just makes me want to promote empathy even more.

      You seem to have that ‘campaigner’ type personality too πŸ˜„.

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      1. I think it’s a big thing that you wish to increase empathy, rather than become jaded as so many do. Some people experience bad things and their hearts harden towards others, or they become desensitized.

        Things stick with me and if I see pictures of terrible suffering, I can’t sleep at all. I wish I could do more but for now I try to focus on harm reduction. I’m not perfect by a long shot and have a long way to go, but every bit added together helps.

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    1. Yours and Hetty’s comments were interesting, because I actually wrote this in the context of physically disgusting mess in this house, lol, and other situations like that which make me feel disgust.

      But in the context of what you both mentioned it is exactly the same, yeah. Mostly those things don’t affect me as much as this immediate kind of thing now, because I’ve managed to compartmentalise it or protect myself from it by looking at news carefully as you do. In a way, there is some positive response I can make to those situations of cruelty, by being even more empathetic to other people and trying to promote that. Whereas this mess…ugh, I just have to put up with it until I no longer have to.

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