How am I
the first
to invent this word
or at least to type it
on the internet?
Only 963 search results, all
of them

of that
what you will
about how
it reflects
on literacy standards
in the
porn industry;

But, in fact
is an apt word
for the concept of
toxic masculinity
or the striving towards
ideals of
machoism ๐Ÿ˜.

Incidentally, I’ve been wondering if there should be a gender between male and female which might more accurately describe myself. Don’t get me wrongโ€” physically I’m absolutely, undeniably male. But emotionally feel somewhere in-between.

Perhaps I should be a fale, a fale whale.

Or a malef, and this could be a guide to my future dating strategy?
Maybe I should in fact be searching forโ€”


40 thoughts on “Sadomachoism

    1. Yes!! Nothing. Actually I guess what I wrote could come across as sexist.

      It is more just that on the whole I feel alien from either sex, but especially from guys in terms of sensitivity and empathy, whether that’s because guys choose to show less sensitivity, emotion and empathy or because of innate differences which happen to correlate with gender. And it is a combination, but I’m erring more on the side of genetic differences being the biggest factor now.

      I always started out with no such pre-conceived notion of women being more sensitive/empathetic and guys less. It lead to much confusion. It is more that I am discovering it by proxy through associating with women more lately. It’s something which was always there for me but I couldn’t articulate it or didn’t want to stereotype.

      So yes, nothing inherently non-masculine/feminine about it, just that in practice in my experience, there unavoidably is ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. (Thus why most of my commenters are women. Ha! ๐Ÿ˜†)

        No but something related to this I’ve been thinking about is Gabby Petito’s story, and how clearly gender stereotyping has been illustrated in that, and how awfully familiar the police video of her domestic incident was for me, where I’ve been emotionally distraught with others (close family) next to me calm and manipulative, with police involved, sometimes acting abrasive and condescending. Following the story, I’ve been in horror at the realisation/thought of there being this gender bias and sensitivity/emotion being viewed as a bad thing (‘being crazy’). And I guess it was kind of revealing in how other people and especially narcissists have viewed not just women but me in such situations, yet I didn’t even have that added gender prejudice acting against me. This is gunna be my next post, actually.

        I guess what I’m saying is I don’t have any personal prejudice/bias either way towards certain traits correlating with gender, but in practice I find this difference, and I feel very strongly about negative prejudices towards such traits and even more so about negative prejudice when displayed specifically by women. I just find the whole thing bizarre and thus why I feel like an alien.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t think it’s a question we can even hope to do justice to easily. Perhaps you feel alien from stereotypes of either sex. While I believe that there are genetic differences, at the same time, at a certain level of emotional IQ, men and women are very close.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! But you referred to the stereotypes to explain that ๐Ÿ˜„. A correlation exists, and I think the difference between people is how much they view it as being by choice and how much by genetics. Toxic cultural ideas which lead to people deliberately altering their behaviour, we both agree to be a ‘negative stereotype’ and unnecessary.

      Having said that, I haven’t yet researched this to scientifically back up such claims about the gender correlations of traits.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, well the gender differences in displaying empathy are well-known as I thought:

        Then the second question is how much of that is due to genetic differences and it’s also known that empathy is to some extent genetic. That’s a bigger and harder question.

        I could be hugely under-estimating how much peoples’ behaviour is influenced by cultural ideas, which is another way in which I feel like an alien because I generally am influenced by them less.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah! Yes of course, I hadn’t thought about that :). There is usually some clue in the tags and I’ll be even more conscious to make it obvious in the tags from now :).

        Yes, some of the key words were ‘toxic’ and ‘self-defeating’, which is where I am disagreeing with the unnecessary and harmful cultural stereotypes. Whereas not all stereotypes are bad, but simply neutral where they are based on reality.

        And then in the second bit I was referring to my personal experience of the gender differences (neutral as to the cause), but being sarcastic about needing a new gender as a way of expressing how alien I can feel ๐Ÿ˜„.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It was nice of you to explain the article to me, but it was helpful (eh, it will be a while before I get a good handle on your language, I’m afraid ๐Ÿ˜€ ) now I understand better what you wrote, thanks.
        But, alien? Are you sure you’re not one? ๐Ÿ˜„ Sometimes perceptions are accurate!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha, yes indeed satire or dry humour must be very, very difficult in a non-native language!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ. And those are the kinds I love ๐Ÿ˜„. I’m actually starting to learn Italian now! With DuoLingo. I really love trying to read it, it sounds so nice and flowing in my mind! Plus I love latin temperament in general. So maybe we can meet in the middle at some point on the language side xD. It must be frustrating writing in Italian without the gestures, no? ๐Ÿ˜‚

        Ohhh do Italian people use emojis more frequently?? Another interesting question.

        Ha!! Indeed indeed, I could be an alien. Actually this has been my starting hypothesisโ€” I am always on the lookout for evidence to disprove my theory. When asked where I was from, I used to just tell people upfront that I was from Mars and lived in a cave up until the age of 18 (when I went to university), as a way of explaining why it always seemed like I’d ‘just hatched yesterday’ (a phrase used to describe me when I was 25!). ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I really like dry humor too, it’s just that it’s often based on common sayings, double meanings and experiences, not being an explanatory mode is harder to grasp, yes.
        I’m starting out with DuoLingo, too! ๐Ÿ˜€ I studied English as a child at 9 years old, but I remember little except the most common terms, then at school I studied German, so it’s time for me to make up my mind, also to save time in translations ๐Ÿ˜€
        Italian is a language with many sounds, it is beautiful in the mind and it is also beautiful to speak, just don’t worry about pronunciation, that will come with time. ๐Ÿ™‚ Sooner or later we will be able to understand each other with a pseudo language, yes I guess so. ๐Ÿ˜‚
        Italians are from so many different geographical areas and have had many cultural influences, in the north it’s easy to meet people with dry manners, but even in the south (in Calabria for example), let’s say that yes, we are generally expansive, and that we have a more or less prominent gestures, it depends on the areas. Where I live, Brescia, we are closed, bearish and not very expansive, the local dialect is functional to this way of being (or maybe it’s the opposite? Being is a direct consequence of the dialect?).

        I too feel a bit alien, but in the opposite direction, when I was a child they used to tell me I was born old ๐Ÿ˜ณ Whatever you think, these are not nice things to say to a child ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      5. What!! Wow, great minds do thing alike, and often at the same time ๐Ÿ˜. DuoLingo is a great and fast way to learn :D. As is reading/interacting on wordpress :). I learned French and German at school, though not much, mostly since :D.

        Cultures and languages are indeed connected both ways it seems :), which is part of the fun of learning a language :D. My impression is that people in latin cultures make fun of each other more, they are less polite ๐Ÿ˜‚. I just want to be the Godfather ๐Ÿ˜‰.

        ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒ. I was described as everything you can imagine, by different people at different times or simultaneously. Childish, immature, old soul, wise for my years, observant, non-observant, socially inadequate, the life and soul of the party ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      6. The definitions that others give us only serve to compensate them for not being able to mentally contain complexity. The use of massive labels is, in essence, as stupid as those who use them to try to classify… “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      7. The precision with which you describe your perceptions is admirable and so is the use you choose to make of the words. I think that in order for people to better understand what you are feeling (and that they understand is important) it is a good system to propose to them to feel something similar in the deprivation of a sense, such as sight. Noise in the dark in an unfamiliar environment. That would make it much clearer ๐Ÿ˜‰


    1. ๐Ÿฆธ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

      I’ve noticed this with some women, some struggle with making female friends. And I’ve learned I’m the same with male friends.

      It’s less that I don’t feel ‘male’, I just don’t understand the concept of ‘feeling male’ and doing all these typically-male things in order to ‘be’ a male, and the same with observing all the things women do to be a ‘woman’, seemingly bending over backwards. I feel like you’re the same, lol.


      1. That is a good point. I think you and I share similar sentiments. I don’t really resonate with a lot of things deemed “female” or things women like. I recall when I first went to university for undergraduate studies, I was going to “go out” with my new roommate and her friends. When I just got dressed and ready they just looked at me as if I had three heads and were like well… aren’t you going to do your hair and your makeup? >_<

        I have found it difficult to relate to a lot of women. I do have a few close female friends, but I think the share a lot of my sentiments lol.


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