Of course, as one stress is removed, another is introduced. I’m here just trying to deal with the OCD and maintain my mood and sanity, but now feel like I’m on the back foot again after an incident which just happened. I’ll just paste an email I sent to the council immediately after:
The letting agent has just been round and knocked on my door for something (I don’t know what), but they saw an LED lamp I have in my room and asked me about it. I have a few LED lamps for plants which I have in my room, and she seemed concerned about the power usage of them. She was with a man and they both seemed like they urgently wanted to come in my room to take a look, and the man took a few pictures and said he was going to send them to the council straight away. Then he mentioned that he was the landlord.
The lamps I have are very low power since they are LED, they only use a few watts, and I’m not using the incandescent ceiling bulb at at all. I wasn’t aware that there was a certain amount of power that I could use (it wasn’t mentioned in the contract), but I’m happy to talk about it to get to the bottom of it and I don’t want any stress or trouble.
I was upset by the conversation because I felt like I was on the back foot and having to explain myself a lot, but they kept talking over me and seemed angry at me but I didn’t understand why, and it didn’t feel like they wanted to discuss it.
I’m emailing you now so that hopefully we can get to the bottom of it and to emphasise that I want to work with you to resolve any issues there might be. I’m recovering from severe OCD and any stress really exacerbates it so it’s my priority to reduce any kind of stress at the moment.
Urgh, it was really stressful and I could easily get mentally carried away with how this shakes my feeling of stability I was trying to build up. But in these situations I remind myself to stick to my core values and remain humble. As long as I stick to those— acting in the best interests of everybody (of humanity!), remaining calm and polite and treating all people with humility, then no matter what other people can do to make my situation worse, at least I will be at peace with myself and know that I acted with the best intentions. It’s one constant I can always maintain and which can’t be taken away.
My nearby best friend let me explain it to her on the phone right afterwards to get it off my chest, which really helped and I’m really thankful for.
Not long before all of that I was watching live on the NASA stream as the first images/video came in of their first ever helicopter flight on Mars, after which I was feeling jubilant. What a crazy morning 🤦♂️. Brought crashing right back down to Earth huh…😏.