The Great Loneliness

I’m depressed,
Lonely,
Anxious,
Too restless to sit on my bed and write anything,
Because I feel trapped,
Claustrophobic,
Too hot,
TOO HOT!!
It makes me want to burst out,

And there’s a lot to be said for body postureβ€”
I’ve found sitting on a stool to be very freeing, calming, and positivity-inducing;
The upright, forwards-facing, upwards and onwards-looking perspective really helps to make use of moments of inspiration and energy;

Sitting on the bed just feels low-energy, stagnant, hot;
A bed is a fine insulator,
And I burn brightly;

Beginning a pandemic with no friends is the worst possible social scenario,
Compounding my loneliness and isolationβ€”
Because I’d only just ended up here, then housed, when it all began,
Only to be immediately constrained from networking and making friends! πŸ˜†
It’s tough,
If you begin a pandemic with friends, then you still have those friends through it and by the end of it,
But if you began it with no friends then you endure the whole thing largely alone, and end it in the same social situation 😏;

Of course I say largely alone, but by no means totally alone, and I just remain grateful for the remote networking and friends I’ve managed to makeβ€” some very fine ones indeed and dispersed across the Earth, which is quite remarkable,

And grateful for the one local friend I did manage to make in that short time before the pandemic, which is equally remarkable considering how rarely good friends like that come along! She has her separate difficulties, so she can’t give much at the moment. She remains the only friendly or even familiar face I’ve seen in person in a whole year now, and at that only twice. And that is a simply astonishing fact!

πŸŒͺ

18 thoughts on “The Great Loneliness

  1. I’m wrapping you in love and light Robin. I see you, I feel you and I love you. This has been a long period of readjustment and change which always poses a challenge. You are processing it all through your writing and that’s beautiful. May you continue to heal and seek your way through. Love and light to you my friend ❀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good stuff, I am always here to support you. Feel free to email me, my info is on my contact page. We lift one another up, rise together in love and understanding. Keep shining and writing my friend ✨ πŸ’›

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Charmer. I appreciate it. I was just trying to get at the fact that in-person connections are in a different league to these remote ones, and these can only go so far. But I just have to keep re-focusing to the good things :). It’s like a meditative/mindfulness practice. πŸ’™

      Another thing I reminded myself of earlier was that in the last few months I’ve reconnected with a longtime best friend, who lives just in London so only 30 miles away. Just messaging on Telegram every now and then. I was out of contact for a couple of years because he didn’t understand my situation very well. But when we can socialise again there’s hope to go meet him in person, or him come here, which would be awesome. I now have the resilience and clarity about my situation to stand up for myself about it, and to not even dare to feel apologetic about it (if it comes to that). And I’m able to explain it better with the context of autism and sensory issues :).

      And I have my plants πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„. Which are growing individually and as a collection!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We don’t yet ‘know’ each other Robin. My comments are often light-hearted and flippant. They mean no harm. Little Charmer understands me….

        Two important things you have raised here

        Although internet friends are nice there is nothing to take the place of face to face friendships…..and accompanying hugs….can you hug there yet?

        And yes, having indoor plants around you is so good for your mental health and wellbeing….

        Like

      1. Yes human touch is next to none. And I am refining my roasting skills, so hopefully by the time you come around for roast dinner, my roast lamb is also next to none.πŸ›΄πŸ•οΈπŸ‘ 🍠πŸ₯”πŸŒ½πŸ·

        Liked by 1 person

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