Facing Environmental Struggles

Autism 2 Minutes

My housemate turned the living room into a gym, and he’s having friends over all the time to use it with him. I just went to ask him to stop dropping the weights (after asking him yesterday) and he was in there with 2 friends today with the door closed. The living room is a connecting room between the rest of the house and the kitchen/bathroom. And it’s right next to my room and they keep dropping weights on the floor, which is part of the reason why I’m feeling so much jarring floor vibration lately. The other reason is because 2 new housemates moved in who also stamp through the hallway, which runs along another side of my room and right behind my computer desk.

There’s nothing I can do about it, because none of the services who should care don’t. I reported the breach of lockdown to the police a few times already, and did again just now. Whenever I say anything to the council about the terrible things which my housemates do, they don’t care either.

It’s robbing me of one of the most important things I had for structure and a lot else, and have relied on for so longβ€” interacting with people through wordpress, and the creative outlet of writing on here. Now I don’t have much creativity or will to write anything because my emotional state/thoughts are so regularly interrupted, and I have anger bubbling up all the time. It makes dealing with OCD impossibly harder.

All I can do is keep surviving, keep finding ways to get through it, even without writing and without the social interaction I got through wordpress. Nevermind the podcast I’ve had to abandon…I have to deal with the fact that this environment is ripping away so much of my life. And no amount of optimism or adaptations can change that fact.

I have a very good local friend who helps me a lot, and a few more I know remotely. And in a couple of days I should be waking at 2am and sleeping in the late afternoon again, so I’ll be able to sleep through the worst of the disturbance hopefully (thanks to the depth of sleep with antidepressants and ear plugs).

πŸŒͺ

Published by 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑡 πŸͺ

I write poems which are mental health-themed, creative or humourous :). Within mental health I write a lot about: ADHD, OCD, anxiety, autism, emotional traumaβ€” usually with an optimistic slant. My goals for my blog are to give myself a therapeutic, creative outlet whilst also being able to connect with and relate to other people.

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15 thoughts on “Facing Environmental Struggles”

  1. Ugh.
    It’s just such a sh*tty situation for you my friend. I’m angry that those who should be helping you more are not, plus I’m sorry there’s nothing more your friends here can do too.

    Plus, we really miss you round here πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€

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    1. Thank you Charmer I really appreciate it πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™. It’s a problem of a world that is run on rules and regulations and bureaucracy. Where support is dependent on meeting strict criteria and where few people appreciate your situation.

      It is so ingrained in me that I will always be refused help, that I’ll always be told told I’m exaggerating things. Even my GP on the phone recently suggested I’m overthinking it, and he’s actually really understanding and supportive as GPs go. So I really appreciate that you and others on here do :).

      I miss you all too!

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      1. I hear you my friend, I hear you.
        As someone who works in ‘the system’ there’s an extra level of anger / sadness when you see it failing and you’re powerless to change it – even from the inside.

        Keep your chin up as best you can and know we are here for you πŸ–€πŸ–€

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      2. Thank you πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™. I guess it’s not quite ultimately failing me yet, as I still have the PIP process I’m going through. I’m still in the stage of waiting for the decision letter, so I can begin the inevitable appeal :). It shouldn’t be long now though. So I do have the hope of having these steps still to go through. And the appeal process will bring this benefits advisor guy/charity into my situation :). Just got to survive until that.

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    1. Startling is exactly the word for it yes, thank you. Going into startle reflex multiple times, at random with no warning.

      Yeah, the body clock change should definitely help. It got messed up from staying up later for the Mars landing last week, that was all. I’m confident of being able to stick with it for longer this time.

      It definitely made a huge difference being able to sleep through the period when they are most disturbing, which at least is predictable.

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  3. I’ve had roommates in the past and it wasn’t easy. one of them, during my 2 days of absence, managed to do: smash my favorite shoes with her big feet, leave a conspicuous sperm stain on my bed, consume all my food supplies … and not she more found herself receiving my anger. after 25 years i’m still so mad at her! πŸ˜‚

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    1. 😦😦😦 that’s shocking! Not even the average person seems to be this bad, I don’t know why it seems to be so hard to find any good stories about housemates. It’s like most people are sociopathic 😐😐😐.

      Thank you for sharing the story, it does help me feel better, and I’m not surprised you’re still mad :). I still have feelings like that about some people I previously lived with too!

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