The Survival Game 10x

As I enter this new period of stress and trauma,
I’m going to try not to re-learn all of the intense dissociative and OCD habits,

Since after each prolonged period of environmental stress I’ve been left with so many of these,
Which leave me in a middle-ground state of mild stress or numbness,
Whilst trying to do anything I would enjoy or help me to relax results in severe stress, anxiety and exhaustion,
And undoing it all takes months and months,
β€”Longer each time, in fact;

And now someone has finally moved into that room above mine with the creaking and banging floorboards,
And I am back to wearing fresh ear plugs each day under noise-cancelling headphones,
Even sleeping in them,
And I’ve been listening to heavy-metal music constantly for a week;

My podcast has had to go on pause because there’s constant background noise,
And the new housemate is another stamper so the floor is shaking all day now,
The front door is slamming,
And it all reverberates around my chest and punches me in the heart;

But I’ve been back in contact with Stepping Forward who last year were helping me with the PIP application,
(The key to getting moved out of here),
And they’ve assured me that once I’ve heard back from PIP with their decision,
Kevin will help me to begin the appeal process,
Since it’s expected that we’ll have to go through a tribunal process to get PIP awarded;

He once told me that most autistic people he works with positively relish the challenge,
β€”Because f**k you if you’re putting government-private sector targets before truth, reality and
Pure need and desperation;

So there is hope, and this is comforting,
But the day-to-day survival challenge just increased by 10x,
I must keep my sanity, I must keep my ability to read books again (only so recently regained);

The survival game continues.


10 thoughts on “The Survival Game 10x

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