You Masochistic F***ers

Do you likeβ€”

Painfully dragged-out conversations?
Instant and superficial judgement?
Energy wasted in dead-end connections?
Being left hanging without logic or explanation?

To be put into a rigid box of neurotypical expectation,
House, job, car,
Everything all rosy and perfect, now and forevermore,
An endless list of nonsensical human-fabricated requirements,
Just to make yourself worthy of maybe more than one reply?

β€”Then install a dating app!


That’s not even a good punch.


21 thoughts on “You Masochistic F***ers

  1. Ahhh the online dating! Loathed by some, loved by others. Personally I loved it, but only once I really got the hang of it, toughened up and learned how to get the best use of it. I’ve now married the man I met, so it does work, but wow it can be a tough learning experience!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think because some people see it as a game, some as a challenge and some because they have nothing better to do or have an agenda. But you’re right, it’s about finding someone who’s got on the same page as you …. and that’s hard!! I don’t think I understand humans either!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Western culture is cultivating, as the Psychologist, Susan Johnson describes, a culture of avoidance. And the ultimate killer weapon for the meaning or concept of real relationships is “friends with benefits” and polyamory. Why? Because we can’t forget that adult intimate relationships are created through an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child.

        So what are dating apps? The problem isn’t the dating app itself only, but also the brain of the person who is using it. Mating and focus on only one person require energy, and decision making implies well functioning of our cerebral cortex. If your brain is overload with multiple choices, how can you focus your attention and motivation on only one person when your brain is, in reality, thinking that might be someone better waiting?

        So what is the type of people who are in dating apps? Well, think with me after my brief explanation: People with attachment issues such as avoidant, fearful-avoidant, or anxious preoccupied, because it is a safe place for them to interact and protect, at least, their emotions, narcissists, psychopaths, and other forms of emotional unavailability. My advice is always the same, don’t go to these places if you are feeling lonely, and use other forms of meeting people. Remember that we have to get to know people slowly and never let our hormones speak louder than they should. An instant connection isn’t necessarily a synonym for a long-lasting healthy relationship. In most cases, it’s exactly the opposite, which will lead to a complete emotional disaster.

        At the end of the day, we have to look for the person who is willing to hold hands with us and work through the hard stuff, even when his or her’s subconscious mind screams: run away! Attachment styles are flexible and can be fixed over time, and people can become attached secure in their relationships, but it requires compromise and self-awareness, and hard work.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hey Alexandra, thanks for the input!

        I pretty much agree with everything you saidβ€” I can definitely see how dating apps would have a higher proportion of people with those avoidant tendencies. And some other traits besides, which aren’t attractive to me. There’s always some normal people too though, so I guess that’s the hope!

        And yeah I totally agree on not going to them when lonelyβ€” but yeah since that can be an attraction, that’s also a problem with the appsβ€” some people on them are using them in that way.

        For me personally, the reasoning behind trying them out, wasβ€” well it’s obviously not a good time for me to date, is it? But then I asked myselfβ€” why isn’t it? Aren’t I worthy of love? So my decision to date in particular was based on that kind of logic. And I tried the apps since I’m very limited in optionsβ€” I’m not meeting anybody in any other way.

        But anyway, I’m definitely pretty much done with them now. As I always doβ€” I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s not worth all of that!

        I completely agree on everything you said about needing to get to know somebody slowly, it’s my approach too.


      4. Well, then I have to say that dating apps possess algorithms like many other social media platforms that change brain structures leading to addictive usage. But besides that, men and women use dating apps to sell themselves and the best image of who they are, which I call menu Γ  la carte. Sure, that many find their spouse in those places, but it isn’t the vast majority.
        When it comes to dating, the only rule is to take things slowly, be consistent, and narrow your choices to one person, a maximum of two. I would be able to talk about it more because, unlike many who claim to be coaches, I studied this, and I am still studying for my new master’s degree. Youtube, possess more than 9 million videos talking about narcissism. And the question should be, how many of these videos have people who exactly know what are they talking about? The same goes for relationships when they say you should move on after three months. When in reality, one year of a relationship takes, at least, another year to fully recover from the breakup. The need to speed up things is killing people emotionally, and so I agree when Sue Johson said that avoidance is the kryptonite of mental health.

        Take care of yourself!

        Liked by 1 person

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