Dealing with somatic OCD and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours,
Whilst doing things,
Is exhausting and painful,
And yet things need to be done,
So in the last 2 years they’ve been done in this tedious, exhausting way,
And then once the cleaning task (which has taken up the entire day, precluding even thinking about the next thing I had planned to do) is done,
I’m left with little satisfaction,
A headache,
Dizziness,
Nausea,
And a looot of regret that once again,
I couldn’t control the repetitive tics,
It really fucking sucks.
“Take it easy”, people say,
But it’s not the tasks that are tiring,
For I need to use my energy that way, I have so much of it,
The tasks themselves are easy for me,
βIt’s purely the repetitive and deliberate tensing of particular muscles.
“Body-focused repetitive behaviors usually begin in late childhood or during the teen years. In rare cases, they may develop in adults or in younger children.”
Well, I guess that makes me a rare soul for developing them in both those two ‘rare’ scenarios;
But, when all is said and done (and done and fucking done to death),
And I’m lying there trying to reconcile the stupidity and trauma of it all,
I eventually lose patience and now that the task is done,
At least I can now re-focus all of my energy into controlling it,
Maintaining focus,
And just try to re-charge my optimism for the next time.
π€·ββοΈ
The corner and window area are totally fucking spotless. It’s beautiful.
πͺ
π»πππππ
π πΆπ πͺππππ πͺ 
π€π€π€
LikeLiked by 1 person
I often wonder if I have experienced this β repetitive swallowing andor /waking up routines that need to go well. Iβve overcome a lot but can relate on some level. Much love to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much Natalie! Your comment was definitely helpful.
And yes actually, swallowing is one which I’ve experienced a lot in phases, throughout my life. Firstly in childhood, then later when I joined a choir. At first I was fine, then about a year in I developed the obsession :|. But I haven’t experienced it in a while. That’s a common somatic OCD experience. Thank you for sharing it! π
My waking up routine also used to be very rigid. And as a child so was the going to bed oneβ I had to repeat a nightly chant/poem to a parent before I could sleep π.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi mate! Great poem – I can totally relate to this. Body-Focused repetitive behaviors are so exhausting….like it really makes me feel totally drained at the end of the day.
Take care,
Mark
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Mark! This was a very re-assuring comment. Yes, exactly :\. Your comment was helpful.
Take care too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sending you love Robin!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Cassa! Your message was helpful π
LikeLike
This speaks so much truth.
My OCD cleaning routine takes about 1,5 hour.
On a good day, I only have to do it twice.
While that routine is the only thing that can put my mind to rest, I am physically so extremely tired.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m really glad you found some relatability in it π.
Yes, there’s nothing fun in OCD routines/rituals :(. Your routine truly sounds exhausting.
LikeLike