Exhausting Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours

Dealing with somatic OCD and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours,
Whilst doing things,
Is exhausting and painful,
And yet things need to be done,
So in the last 2 years they’ve been done in this tedious, exhausting way,

And then once the cleaning task (which has taken up the entire day, precluding even thinking about the next thing I had planned to do) is done,
I’m left with little satisfaction,
A headache,
Dizziness,
Nausea,
And a looot of regret that once again,
I couldn’t control the repetitive tics,

It really fucking sucks.

“Take it easy”, people say,
But it’s not the tasks that are tiring,
For I need to use my energy that way, I have so much of it,
The tasks themselves are easy for me,
β€”It’s purely the repetitive and deliberate tensing of particular muscles.

“Body-focused repetitive behaviors usually begin in late childhood or during the teen years. In rare cases, they may develop in adults or in younger children.”

Well, I guess that makes me a rare soul for developing them in both those two ‘rare’ scenarios;

But, when all is said and done (and done and fucking done to death),
And I’m lying there trying to reconcile the stupidity and trauma of it all,
I eventually lose patience and now that the task is done,
At least I can now re-focus all of my energy into controlling it,
Maintaining focus,
And just try to re-charge my optimism for the next time.

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

The corner and window area are totally fucking spotless. It’s beautiful.

πŸŒͺ

9 thoughts on “Exhausting Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours

    1. Thanks so much Natalie! Your comment was definitely helpful.

      And yes actually, swallowing is one which I’ve experienced a lot in phases, throughout my life. Firstly in childhood, then later when I joined a choir. At first I was fine, then about a year in I developed the obsession :|. But I haven’t experienced it in a while. That’s a common somatic OCD experience. Thank you for sharing it! πŸ’™

      My waking up routine also used to be very rigid. And as a child so was the going to bed oneβ€” I had to repeat a nightly chant/poem to a parent before I could sleep πŸ˜†.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This speaks so much truth.
    My OCD cleaning routine takes about 1,5 hour.
    On a good day, I only have to do it twice.
    While that routine is the only thing that can put my mind to rest, I am physically so extremely tired.

    Liked by 1 person

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