Dealing with somatic OCD and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours,
Whilst doing things,
Is exhausting and painful,
And yet things need to be done,
So in the last 2 years they’ve been done in this tedious, exhausting way,
And then once the cleaning task (which has taken up the entire day, precluding even thinking about the next thing I had planned to do) is done,
I’m left with little satisfaction,
And a looot of regret that once again,
I couldn’t control the repetitive tics,
It really fucking sucks.
“Take it easy”, people say,
But it’s not the tasks that are tiring,
For I need to use my energy that way, I have so much of it,
The tasks themselves are easy for me,
—It’s purely the repetitive and deliberate tensing of particular muscles.
“Body-focused repetitive behaviors usually begin in late childhood or during the teen years. In rare cases, they may develop in adults or in younger children.”
Well, I guess that makes me a rare soul for developing them in both those two ‘rare’ scenarios;
But, when all is said and done (and done and fucking done to death),
And I’m lying there trying to reconcile the stupidity and trauma of it all,
I eventually lose patience and now that the task is done,
At least I can now re-focus all of my energy into controlling it,
And just try to re-charge my optimism for the next time.
The corner and window area are totally fucking spotless. It’s beautiful.