Rammed Full Of Nows

All there is… is the moment-to-moment now,
And what I want to do right now,
Based on my past experiences,
Inclinations,
Ideas and plans,

Not—
“Oh, but I haven’t done it yet,
so how could I do it now?“,

“I haven’t done it in some ethereal, indefinable yet strongly gut-level order,
It’s not all part of some well-planned structure,
A global masterplan,
With full reasoning and rationale about why it should be now,
Or why it could be now”,

“But, but… the routine is wrong,
I hate that,
It’s all over from the beginning”,

Yes, not any of that!
But—
All there is is the now and what I want to do now,
And the things which I can do now to make that routine better,
Or whatever it is that is unright,
(As long as it’s not OCD/rigidity-inspired!),

Full lack of judgement,
Nothing but now,
Succeeding the vast, continuous span of nondescript moments in time,
All without rationale or reason, they’re just there,
And free will is out of the window!
I don’t own the universe,
Past nor present,
Only now,
Fuck.

🌪