Imaginative Freedom

What if I put those energies into writing and creativity?
Writing as a way out of an obsessive OCD mind loop;

This is not new, I’ve done this before,
But then unfortunately I showed this blog to family,
In a time of desperation;

At first, I wasn’t too bothered,
And I was riding high on good feelings of no longer being homeless,

It also actually did me a good service,
Because it silenced their criticisms,
β€”This, in an irrational way,
Because how many memories do I have of being completely misunderstood by the same people?

Memories of screaming and crying as a child,
With them completely misunderstanding how I am feeling,
And why I am feeling it,
Even after explanation,
And they’d all too often tell me how I’m feeling and thinking,
But this never stopped, continued to adulthood,
β€”I’ve never had the feeling that they understood who I was;

So, it’s done me a good service,
Because it made me secure in their financial support,
Both in reality, and in my own belief;

But now I’ve changed my blog URL,
And this has done the trick!
Independent once again,
Just me and the world, and those who support me,
And those I support;

As time goes by,
Their actions which made me homeless only become less forgivable,
More dramatic,
And less understandable;

Freeing myself from their eyes, world and judgement,
As well as improvements I’ve made to my environment,
Has freed me up, finally after some months,
So that even in the midst of chaos, struggle and trauma,
I can optimistically resolve once again to not let those past experiences dampen my spirit,
Nor my creativity;

It really was an incredible gift,
That even amidst all of that,
I could create my own worlds, have my own fun,
Bringing my imaginations into solid existence :).

Me on Mount Tamalpais in 2009, with San Francisco in the distance across the bay.


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