We’re very excited to announce our revolutionary first product!
I think you guys are gonna love it,
It’s kind of like…
It’s kind of like a Fitbit in your skull,
And… we actually have a working product,
Which we are going to demonstrate to you today!
It actually fits quite nicely in your skull…
Although I decided not to wear it myself,
So please welcome to the stage…
Gertrude the pig!
*excited applause and cheering*
As you can see,
Gertrude is a perfectly happy pig,
And if she’s not,
All I have to do is press a button here…
*goofy laughter and excitement*
Now, I know what you must all be thinking,
(And very soon I will know what you’re thinking),
—’But this must be way out of my price range!’
However, we at Neuralink have partnered with Amazon…
And we’re going to offer this neural implant service to you for free!¹
¹ Paid for through advertising revenue and a Data Services Deal with Amazon.
IN THE NEWS TODAY—
The Chief of the International Ethics Committee has today blasted Elon Musk on Twitter after the Neuralink CEO revealed his latest innovation to a live audience of Neuralink fans— a controversial computer brain implant which was demonstrated by a pig in front of stunned audience members…
The Chief of the IEC tweeted:
“Elon Musk is clearly a very troubled man, who— we have strong reason to believe— must himself be the result of a human genetic engineering experiment gone wrong… although we do not know who may have been responsible for such an illegal and unethical procedure”.
In an ongoing Twitter spat, Elon Musk has branded the IEC Chief a ‘pedo’.
Mr. Musk may have won the hearts and minds of the public today, but the fallout from this event is likely to go on for many weeks and months to come… as leading ethicists continue to debate whether Elon Musk himself should be decommissioned, or even be allowed to leave Earth.
These are real quotes:
“It’s kind of like a Fitbit in your skull with tiny wires”
“It actually fits quite nicely in your skull. It could be under your hair and you wouldn’t know.”