Bittersweet Reminders

It’s really crazy,
How many unmet needs I have right now,
There are so many factors,
Crushing down my mood,

Crushing my mood,
And boosting OCD,
For it’s impossible to put into words,
How much it all matters;

I feel very keenly,
The contribution of daylight,
And feel very keenly,
The satisfaction from cooking,
It’s the same with exercising,
And daily achievements,
Healthy eating,
And regular routines;

It’s bittersweet when I get to experience more of just one unmet need,
Because the difference in my body and mind,
Is so painfully obvious;

But, I must not think about what I don’t have right now,
As long as I am progressing,
β€”These days will be stressful,
And I’ll be swallowed up in OCD for way too much time,
Totally unnecessarily,
Yes, it is a totally unnecessary waste of lifeβ€” of life which is so precious,
And that is sad,
But I’ve already decided that I will survive itΒΉ,
I just have to refrain from judgement as much as possible,
And maximise what I can!

Incidentally,
It was my keen intuitive understanding of myself,
Which was one big factor in not recognising OCD for so longβ€”
Because I knew, knew, how much I need these things,
β€”Exercise and being outdoors, in particular,
They wiped the mental slate clean,
And whilst I seemed to need them more than most peopleΒ²,
None of it was unreasonable, in principleβ€” it just made sense;

There was no reason to look for any other explanation,
Because I simply understood my fundamental needs so well,
And all of them…
Are universal needs!

That I should begin to feel worse after the terminal knee injury,
Was completely logical to me,
And then after other setbacks such as social isolation,
β€”To feel even worse, I could see it all coming;

Quite funny and ironic, isn’t it?

ΒΉ Not life itself, of course. I won’t be able to survive that unfortunately πŸ˜†.

Β² This was the turning point, actually, which got me researching and initially discovering ADHD, which led me into the greater realm of mental health issues. It was saying that enough is enough, I cannot work or live independently any longer, these needs to be met no matter what anybody else says. They need to be met, or I am already dead. And I need sympathy and empathy for these struggles, for once.

πŸŒͺ

7 thoughts on “Bittersweet Reminders

  1. “By fully understanding how your past has impacted your present you can begin to heal yourself not by stamping out aspects of your personality that you don’t like, but by addressing the original wounds that necessitated the self-protective behaviors that are now causing you problems.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Alexandra, that’s a part of it. But what I am trying to get across is the immediate and strong physiological difference it makes to have some of these needs met, when they have been chronically unmet. Like when you go swimming early in the mornings, for example. The effect of something like that is totally transformative on your mind. Similar with the effect of diet. One of these effects for me is that OCD can be totally wiped out, just like that.

      These are not psychological needs or deficiencies, but physiological.

      On top of that there are psychological unmet needs, one of which you’ve pointed out here.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My physiological + psychological needs going unmet has created or worsened psychological problems. And I am reminded of how profound these physiological needs/effects are when for example I go outside (as long as I’m not dissociated as I do so).

        Like

  2. I often think of human is like a species in the animal kingdom, different animals requires different level of activity intensity because just what they are by nature. I know full well human is not animal πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep you’re absolutely right, I agree! Different animals require different amounts of activity, and that’s true for individual animals of each species.

      Haha, what exactly do you mean by humans aren’t animals? They are all the same thing, living creatures. So when you are discussing how they work, there is no distinction between them.

      Like

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