Dare Myself

Repeating phrases in my mind,
I can’t stop it,
I just keep doing it!

Repeating words which remind me of experiences and people,
Not even actual words,
But nonsense sounds which are similar,

Skirting dangerously closely to saying the names of family members,
Just to torment myself,
And stop myself from relaxing;

I’ve been doing this now…
Saying the same two words incorporated into a phrase,
For the last few days,
And breaking my concentration,

Four hours into the day, now,
After waking up relaxed and optimistic,
I have a headache,
Because I dared to have plans!
I dared to relax!
But all I’ve been doing…
Is mentally saying these same two words!

Fuccckkkkk,
I hate it,

But,
Dr. Josephine the psychiatrist,
Said that she’ll get me in touch with their psychotherapist,

I replied that it’s all about cost,
But, it seems that lately,
Due to my ‘shouting and screaming’ through the GoFundMe page,
That I’ve been getting more help from family members,
Financially and finally.

Look how weird I am at the moment 😐.

🌪