One Hell Of A Story

This is going to be one hell of a story,
By the time I finally get a chance to breathe,

And how much farther,
Could one possibly get from their mental health goal,
Before it starts to get better?

It’s a story of survival,
One day, one meal at a time,
Justifying my existence to myself every single day,
As hours, days, weeks, months, even years,
Slip by;

Other people always sayβ€”
That time flies by when you are busy,
Or are having fun,
And see this as a good thing,
But for me it’s the other way aroundβ€”
It flies by painfully when days are mundane and time is wasted,
Afraid to leave my room,
Even when it’s sunny outside,
And this is another aspect which I endure;

But always, I can only come back to the same thoughtβ€”
Don’t worry, about the Summer,
Don’t worry, about the Winter,
None of it matters,
Because when I finally get that chance to breathe,
All of that will pale into insignificance;

These days, too many of which are spent lying on my bed in the dark,
Or repetitively doing things,
With so much inertia against the things I want to do,
In an oppressive, messy and noisy environment,

They are the battle which people talk about,
The battle to survive and reach the mental health goal,
Because it will be worth it,
And it’ll be one hell of a story!

πŸŒͺ

14 thoughts on “One Hell Of A Story

  1. Wow. I feel this. Laying in my bed day in and day out, just doing something, anything to pass the time. Which does seem to fly by quickly in fun or boredom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The like button is not really a positive thing especially when we are talking about mental health issues.
      I hope that you will overcome this battle that you are going through and that things will improve in whatever way they can do, I also acknowledge that it is easier said than done and many people really don’t understand just how debilitating mental illness can be.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks! Yes comments are a lot more helpful and encouraging, but I see the like button also as a way for people to let me know that they are there, and I’m not forgotten, when they aren’t up to writing a comment. I am in that same position quite often too at the moment.

        There is certainly a hell of a lot of room for improvement. So much of my current problems are logisticalβ€” obtaining the environment which I need, and I know how much the environment exacerbates everything, especially misophonia/sensitivity stress and OCD. It’s really shocking just how much a change of environment will improve things.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I really understand that certainly in terms of environment I moved from Manchester in the UK to Pembrokeshire in West Wales and although the pace of life is different so to are the issues around healthcare etc
        I was under a Psychiatrist in Manchester and yet even after 5 years I have struggled to see 1 here and as soon as I spoke with 1 on a phone consultation he pushed me back to Psychology for Psychotherapy and even now the psychologist has suggested another less intensive course of treatment over 10 weeks.
        Who really knows but ourselves how we feel and what is right for us.
        Wishing you well in the future

        Like

      3. I would never disrespect your journeyπŸ™πŸΌI only hope to encourage and uplift. But I think you know this

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hey :), I’m not sure if you mis-read my previous comment as it was in reply to Paul, but might have looked like I replied to your original comment and then got misinterpreted. I forgot to reply to your main comment actually, sorry!

        Thank you for your encouragement, I really appreciate it and it helps :).

        Liked by 1 person

      1. For many many years friend. Since I was a childπŸ™πŸΌ but we are overcomers and you too, will overcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I too suffer from metal health problems’ not as strongly as yours are but I can relate to some of what you say and I truly feel for you, it certainly cannot be easy but with each new day their is the anchor that I cling to and that is the anchor of hope.
    I hope that you get the help that you so richly deserve and that we get to read about your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I have a lot more hope now, I will reach the end of the journey and be able to look back on it, and spend more time writing creatively. I can see it happening now. I appreciate the encouragement to get through this difficult period.

      Liked by 1 person

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