Me, Alive

I am me,
Highly stressed,
In an extremely fragile situation;

Those who knew me,
Know this is not me,
But me is still there,
Just needs to be without the stress;

It’s a terrifying situation,
Judgmental people make it,
Infinitely worse,
In a situation which can spiral out of control,
So easily;

This is not me,
I know who I am,
I just need the chance,
To be me again;

Withhold your judgements,
It’s an impossible situation,
It will be a challenge to describe, just how much so,
Even in the best of times.

I am hoping Launchpad charity,
Can make the difference,
This idea was lost for months,
In the anxiety, depression and total mess.

Nobody judges myself more harshly than me,
This was a total tragedy,
But now I have emailed them.

This is the sort of thing,
Which Berkshire West Your Way,
Has been helping me with,
Through the weekly video calls,
I am just now months behind.

If this doesn’t turn out well,
These will be my dying expressions,
Wherever I end up,
This will record me,
Who I was,
And what I stood for.
But for now, still standing.

All I can do,
Is to keep myself sane,
So that once hope is regained,
Just a little grain,
I’ll take that seed,
Soak up the rain,
And flourish,
Again.

πŸŒͺ

28 thoughts on “Me, Alive

  1. Maybe my commentary will look strange, but there is nothing more precious than our ability to swim in shit and rise again, stronger and wiser. Sometimes your writing reminds me of the Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa. Take care of your emotions. Take care of the amazing human being that you are, because happiness, real happiness does allow sad moments. Without sadness and happiness, you can’t be a real human being.

    Be real, be you and fuck the rest!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you I really appreciated this comment, it’s not strange. It definitely helped. Knowing that you survived a really hard thing can be a great feeling.

      And that’s an interesting thing to know :). So that’s why you’re here reading! πŸ˜‰

      Thanks very much for the song, I love it. It’s really good. It reminds me quite a lot of this song which never fails to move me very strongly:

      Thanks again! πŸ’™

      Liked by 1 person

    2. In fact nothing moves me or strengthens me as much as that song, in a large part because of the circumstances around it, besides the song itself and the way it’s sung. Thanks for reminding me of it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All the feelings you are experiencing are real and part of the process, so never edit your emotions or feelings. All this fucking idea that we should be happy all the time is crap because real people to be real, need to experience everything.

        I like the song!

        Take care of yourself! ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you very much Alexandra πŸ’™.

        It’s weird this idea that people should be happy, because I’ve only heard about it indirectly, through people saying that it’s stupid. I never realised it was a common ‘idea’! πŸ˜†. There are a lot of things like that which confuse me, common ideas which I didn’t know existed.

        Anyway, for myself, a reason for being optimistic is because I hate being in a bad mood and pessimistic. Sustained bad mood for me is very bad. But that comes from myself and nobody else. I actually thought the oppositeβ€” most people seem way more depressing, like they think they’re supposed to be depressed all the time or something. Especially if you walk around London for example πŸ˜†.

        Glad you liked it :). You too.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. They have plenty of sun in London! πŸ˜† More sunshine than Rome!

        Lol, Tarzan?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜†

        Savannah don’t have trees.

        But thank you for your sentiment πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      5. 😱😱😱

        Ok great comeback. You got me there! πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

        Interesting. Although you start off hoping that it’s good news, but then realise it will release loads of stored soil carbon πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ. It’s like a return to Jurassic climates! Fascinating. Gaia at work.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. And when the mammoths and sabre-toothed cats defrost I’ll have even more fun! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Haha! πŸ˜†. The graphics are so bad… πŸ˜….

        That’s funny, somebody else I follow also has a thing for Ice Age and that random squirrel! I feel like you just wanted to talk to me about Ice Age ;).

        Liked by 1 person

      8. LOL. πŸ˜‰

        I also discovered the other day there are like 6 of them πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I would have to be a terrible fan! πŸ˜†πŸ˜‰. Nope somebody else I follow also turns out to be a massive Ice Age fan πŸ₯Ά. So was my best friend when we were younger, he was obsessed with that squirrel for some reason 🀣.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot Cassa! πŸ™‚ πŸ’™.

      That’s twice now I’ve been likened to other writers, lol. On the same poem.

      If I’m not ending with optimism then there’s something really really wrong. It’s really really hard to stop me being optimistic, and it’s terrible for me when I have to end not optimistically, like a few times in the last few days.

      Like

    1. Thank you πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

      You really do support me, I really appreciate it πŸ™‚ πŸ€—.

      Liked by 1 person

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