Hints Of Lost Feelings

Brief moments, when,
I’m feeling a hint of that feeling,
Which allowed me to write beautifully,
To write optimistically and creatively,

Or to play musical instruments happily,
Fingers plucking guitar strings,
Dancing over the fretboard,
Intuitively, knowingly,

Or to play favourite songs on piano,
And sing along, in harmony,
Freedom to practice,
Freedom to perfect,
Freedom to explore,
A heart feeling free and not chained to a…
Something,
Something awful and heavy and stressful;

It was all such a perfect cure,
To OCD and anxious, fidgety feelings;

To glance at my playlist of ‘Guitar’ songs,
Which was collecting over time,
To notice the ‘Date Added’ column,
Is to see the starkest visualisation of how my life has been ‘on pause’,
From those happier days,
Until now,
And how alien that too-brief period now is;

Even during the time that I’ve been in this house,
I had a period of a few months when I was writing very freely,
Which is hard to imagine,
And even that has become alien;

I don’t look backwards often,
I prefer to look ahead,
But there is a place for looking backwards,
And this nostalgic feeling helps me to express,
And to explain to other people,
Those things which I need.

This song triggers perfectly all of that feeling,
Since it was one of the last songs I was learning,
At the end of 2017:

🌪