Existential

What am I doing here?
I am locked onto a negative thought, of—

I was busily going about making good use of my time,
Of my finite lifetime,
And then this big intermission,
Fucked-up interlude,
Fucking happened,

And a lot of it was unnecessary,
So now the last few years,
Especially the last two,
Have absolutely veritably,
Flied by;

BUT,
This is all part of the greater picture,
I’ve lived too many lives in one,
You could say,

AND,
I’ve shown great strength through those experiences,
I could’ve easily been dedded,
So the fact that I am not,
Is a valuable thing,
And it’s perfect for the old CV,
For where I am going to.

And in the end,
When it does come time to be dedded,
Well,
I’m sure there’ll be another rationalisation for that :),
Or at least,
A witty old bit of dark humour 😅.

Existential crises are nothing new to me,
I’ve been having them my whole life.

To be honest,
I think I probably have Existential OCD².

“Steve, a 26 year-old computer programmer: “I can’t stop thinking about why we’re all here and whether there’s any purpose to life. I keep going over it in my mind all day long. I have continual thoughts of how one day I’ll be dead and no one will remember me. It will be as if I never existed. Then I ask myself, what is the use of doing anything if we’re all going to die anyway?”¹

Yup, it fits. Although I usually come out of it more optimistically than Steve! And those thoughts are not helped by learning more about the universe 😅. Also eerie having been a 26 year old computer programmer in a previous life! Maybe it’s just the stress…

¹ From International OCD Foundation.

² The name bugs me too. I think it should probably be called ‘Existential Thoughts OCD’, or something!

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