What am I doing here?
I am locked onto a negative thought, of—
I was busily going about making good use of my time,
Of my finite lifetime,
And then this big intermission,
And a lot of it was unnecessary,
So now the last few years,
Especially the last two,
Have absolutely veritably,
This is all part of the greater picture,
I’ve lived too many lives in one,
You could say,
I’ve shown great strength through those experiences,
I could’ve easily been dedded,
So the fact that I am not,
Is a valuable thing,
And it’s perfect for the old CV,
For where I am going to.
And in the end,
When it does come time to be dedded,
I’m sure there’ll be another rationalisation for that :),
Or at least,
A witty old bit of dark humour 😅.
Existential crises are nothing new to me,
I’ve been having them my whole life.
To be honest,
I think I probably have Existential OCD².
“Steve, a 26 year-old computer programmer: “I can’t stop thinking about why we’re all here and whether there’s any purpose to life. I keep going over it in my mind all day long. I have continual thoughts of how one day I’ll be dead and no one will remember me. It will be as if I never existed. Then I ask myself, what is the use of doing anything if we’re all going to die anyway?”¹
Yup, it fits. Although I usually come out of it more optimistically than Steve! And those thoughts are not helped by learning more about the universe 😅. Also eerie having been a 26 year old computer programmer in a previous life! Maybe it’s just the stress…
¹ From International OCD Foundation.
² The name bugs me too. I think it should probably be called ‘Existential Thoughts OCD’, or something!