Malignant Midnight Dickheads

Just how much speed,
Is too much?

I heard that during ‘lockdown’,
Police saw more incidents of speeding,
And the highest speeds recorded,
Were higher than usual;

I completely back up that claim,
With the evidence of my ears,
For my one-way street abutts a 40mph road,
(Also one-way),
And three lanes wide;

You know what that invites, don’t you?
Dickheads speeding at horrendous speeds,
Right past the hospital,
Not a care in the universe,
The roar of their tyres echoing up the whole street;
Bouncing back and forth between the continuous terraces,
The sound travels here exceptionally well;

I can judge the speeds of these malignant midnight dickheads,
By the amount of contraction, the peak volume,
Of the rush of noise which they create;

And let me tell you,
Last night I heard one horrendously contracted,
It was but a split-second, high-pitched, ear-raping pulse of noise,
Which told me that the car must have been going at an unbelievable speedβ€”
70, 80, 90mph;
These are not unheard of,
And that road is a perfect runway to them.

How long must I live beside 40mph roads?
When I stayed with my aunt,
I lived right on a 40mph road,
And the same thing happened, with the midnight speeding,
Horrible. I need a permanent break from all this noise.


8 thoughts on “Malignant Midnight Dickheads

    1. Yeah I blocked the sounds out. It’s just distressing for all sorts of reasons the rare times I hear it in the brief periods without earplugs and headphones on


  1. They should come up with a version of cars that require proof of non-dickheadedness to start the vehicle, just like those devices that require you to pass a breathalyzer to turn the ignition.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! Absolutely! πŸ˜€

      Oh wow, those devices/vehicles do exist! I was going to ask but I half-wondered whether that was sarcasm too.

      Well, this system would be simple to implementβ€” any key fob with one of the following logos on it: bmw, audi, mercedes, etc. should just simply fail to work :). Then we’d have no problems.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Or, we have a rating system that works over bluetooth. So that drivers can rate each other using controls on their steering wheel. Then you can use an app when wearing smart glasses to see an overlay of peoples’ driving ratings.

      Anybody whose rating drops below 2 instantly gets arrested and their car destroyed


      Liked by 1 person

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