Discounts And Bodybags

Fiction, Poem 1 Minute

Good evening, sir,
Would you mind letting us take a look,
In the back of your car?

Yes,

…And may I ask,
Why that would be,
Sir?

Erm, well,
There’s a big mess in there,
And I was planning to sort it all out tomorrow;
I really don’t want anybody to see it!

…Right,
Ok, sir,
Could you take your keys out of the ignition,
Then step out of the vehicle for me?

Sure;

We’re just going to pop the boot then take a look…
…
Okβ€”
Could you possibly explain to me why you have four empty bodybags?

They don’t have bodies in them yet;

But, also,
I genuinely have cleanliness OCD,
And the carpet fibres are all going the wrong way, and…

…
…Ok,
Since you seem to be so good at answering questions,
We’re going to have to take you in for questioning.

Later in therapy…

Ok,
I think we’ve covered all there is to discuss…
About the police-bodybag incident,
So let’s talk about your impulsive spendingβ€”
Now…
You’ve spent Β£60 on Amazon this month,
Was all of this necessary?

Ok, so,
I was browsing for bodybags,
But single bodybags cost almost as much as a pack of 4,
And I wanted to get free delivery,
So…
I may as well buy a multi-pack,
Right?

I see;
And the housemates…
Are they still causing you just as much stress?

No,
But smell is the problem now,
🀒😀.

πŸŒͺ

Published by 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑡 πŸͺ

I write poems which are mental health-themed, creative or humourous :). Within mental health I write a lot about: ADHD, OCD, anxiety, autism, emotional traumaβ€” usually with an optimistic slant. My goals for my blog are to give myself a therapeutic, creative outlet whilst also being able to connect with and relate to other people.

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18 thoughts on “Discounts And Bodybags”

    1. πŸ˜ˆπŸ‘ΏπŸ˜ˆπŸ‘ΏπŸ˜ˆ
      πŸ‘ΏπŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ‘Ώ
      πŸ˜ˆπŸ‘ΏπŸ˜ˆπŸ‘ΏπŸ˜ˆ

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  2. Found on Amazon:
    “This Adult Body Bag is 36″x90″. waterproof vinyl therefore it is strong and can hold up to 400 lbs. Great use for body transfers anytime, the double zipper makes it much easier and convenient to slip in a body. This bag is the #1 bag to take along whenever going camping, hiking or any outdoor activities. It is absolutely leak-proof so you can be sure everything will stay dry and maintain good condition.”

    What kind of camping are they doing?

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    1. LOL. I didn’t even check but I just Knew they’d sell them on amazon, lmao πŸ˜†.

      I should’ve bought the waterproof ones!! πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ.

      LOL I found the item you referred to. It’s not even written as a jokeβ€¦πŸ˜¨. Indeed, that description is quite a dark invitation…!

      Ordered.

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      3. Hmmm! Bodybag reviews:

        “First of all, this bag is NOT soundproof at all, but the seller didn’t advertise that it was, so I won’t subtract any stars for that, just make sure you plan accordingly.
        When dragging heavy β€œitems” over dirt or asphalt, it does get some holes relatively quickly (its best to double bag to avoid leaving any mess/evidence behind).”

        “We carried several people in this over the course of a night. Weights from 150 to 285 (this guy was last, too).”

        “Ideal for any individual bodies up to 6 feet tall, or 2 children.

        Handles on each corner and center, so its not awkward to carry.

        doesn’t leak blood, holds in the body smell quite good!

        Basically this bag is all you need to get rid of your problems..

        It burns well and doesn’t leave traces behind! so its on the plus side! those loose ends need no longer be worried about!”

        πŸ€£πŸ˜…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Double baggingβ€”yet another reason why they should have a 2 for 1 deal!

        Is there a maximum size allowance for the two children? Kind of the opposite of rides at an amusement park?

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    1. Thank you Maja! That was awesome feedback. Very encouraging :). I can certainly keep producing them lol.

      Ah, neighbour issues for you? πŸ’™

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