Good evening, sir,
Would you mind letting us take a look,
In the back of your car?
…And may I ask,
Why that would be,
There’s a big mess in there,
And I was planning to sort it all out tomorrow;
I really don’t want anybody to see it!
Could you take your keys out of the ignition,
Then step out of the vehicle for me?
We’re just going to pop the boot then take a look…
Could you possibly explain to me why you have four empty bodybags?
They don’t have bodies in them yet;
I genuinely have cleanliness OCD,
And the carpet fibres are all going the wrong way, and…
Since you seem to be so good at answering questions,
We’re going to have to take you in for questioning.
Later in therapy…
I think we’ve covered all there is to discuss…
About the police-bodybag incident,
So let’s talk about your impulsive spending—
You’ve spent £60 on Amazon this month,
Was all of this necessary?
I was browsing for bodybags,
But single bodybags cost almost as much as a pack of 4,
And I wanted to get free delivery,
I may as well buy a multi-pack,
And the housemates…
Are they still causing you just as much stress?
But smell is the problem now,